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My Love...

Saturday, February 09, 2013

He's changed me so much - this man I love.
Made me see the world in a different way.
He's changed me.
I came to him so broken. Abandoned by my mother at a young age. Raised by grandparents so far out of touch with normalcy (alcoholic grandpa/co-dependent grandma). Molested by a family member before even going to kindergarten. Mentally and physically abused during my formative years. Victim of bullying because of a physical handicap. Raped xxx times (i stopped counting).
Divorced three -- YIKES -- times. Mentally abused the first time, cheated on the second (it lasted 2 months, so does that really count as marriage?), physically abused the third. Then a ten year relationship with someone who just wanted a mama to take care of him.
Soooo co-dependent.
Soooooo hurt.
Betrayed by people who called themselves my friends. Promised promotions at work for doing supervisory work with no recognition and no extra pay - then being passed over for a good-ol-boy. [schmuck]
Soooooo angry.
He's changed me.
He's helped me talk about my past enough that it doesn't hurt anymore. It's like cleaning a window. First there's so much dirt on it that you can't see outside. Then little by little the layers are wiped away and you can see that the sun is shining. He doesn't judge me for what has been done to me. He has made me realize that all that 'stuff' was not my fault and that I should stop beating myself up about it.
He's changed me.
He's made me believe in myself again. When I first came here he said that I was my own worst enemy. That I needed to change my way of thinking - to stop expecting the bad. Focus on the good. He told me that the first thing he does every day when he gets out of bed is to be thankful: he has another day of life. Then he purposely goes about trying to make the best of the day.
Of course, I didn't believe him at first. I wasn't even sure what he was talking about. Yet, little by little I've learned to trust him. Everything he has told me he would do he has done. He is consistently kind to me. Even when I don't think I deserve someone to be kind to me.
To someone like me that has never had a partner who fully supported me it's like a miracle. He says he sees the girl I once was. That when I first came here I was so pent up inside - so stressed out. He reminds me of when we were together the first time and tells me that I am the reason he is the man he is today. He says that he didn't know why I left, so he 'had a talk with the man in the mirror' and gave up drinking. Because of me. Because he says I was so kind and loving before and that I taught him what love was by my example and my actions to him. [I loved him so even then]
He's changed me.
He's made me be a better person by watching his example.
He's teaching me how to love again.
It's so nice to finally be with my soul mate.
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GOLFGMA 2/10/2013 6:20AM

    A beautiful Valentine story! emoticon

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BEEJAY49 2/10/2013 5:30AM

    True love is a miracle and I'm so happy you have been blessed with it! Thank you for sharing your story. Hugs!

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DENRNAJ 2/10/2013 4:37AM

    emoticon Thank you for sharing

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IMPERIODEE 2/9/2013 8:15PM

  i am happy for you. may you continue to treasure him more as you work on being a better you. i wish you more love, acceptance, and happiness.

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JUDYAMK 2/9/2013 8:14PM

    I am so happy that you are happy after going through the life you did. I married when I was 34. I never ever wanted to marry because of the up bringing I had. I knew I was not happy so I felt how could I ever make anyone else happy. I was in intensive therapy for twenty years. After my therapy a met my beloved husband. I am so blessed as you are..You sure do not look fifty!!!Yes it is hard to find work I do believe at a certain age. I have worked in the pharmacy for 24 years so I am fortunate as people will always be coming there,but at the same time my job involves people coming in very sick & it is sad a lot of the times. The only thing I do not care for is dealing with so many many different insurance company's & having the insurance dictating to the Doctors what medication is covered.You take care
Judy

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