The Magic Number
Saturday, February 09, 2013
I think everyone who has ever had weight or body image issues has struggled when to take the next step. The step towards change, transformation and a new attitude for life, everyone has that defining moment, that rock bottom for me it was the number on the scale. 215 I had seen similar numbers before, but it was almost like I was numb to it all or blind to actually seeing the numbers on the scale or what they meant. However, it was that one day when I saw that number 215 and it's the straw that broke the camel's back and I knew it was time for a lifestyle change not a diet and I have been on that journey ever since. I started my quest to be "skinny" and "pretty in January of 2011 ans since than have lost 67lbs to date and have dealt with hurdles and obstacles like PCOS, water retention, plateaus and hemetoma's which stalled or blocked my progress but knowing where I was going and where I want to be hasn't deterred me.
Everyone I've loved always told me that when you lose weight, you're life will change and they we're right. Of course, the biggest change has been been mentally, because I think that's the first and most important tool in weight loss getting your head in the right place. I was always the one who was the people pleaser and constantly put others needs before her own because I wasn't worthy enough or important enough to take care of me and I felt invisible. However, losing weight has made me stronger both physically and mentally. I realize now, I was always worth it, but I let my mind tell me I wasn't but now I'm stronger, bolder, more out going and flirtatious and outspoken. I am not afraid anymore of being liked or disliked, I will not be a victim, I will not let others take advantage of me, or have them make me feel like their needs are more important than my own because if I make them worth my time then I should be worth theirs.
Haven't dated much or dated or fell for the wrong guys, I am holding out hope that there is that special somewhere out there waiting for me just as much as I am waiting for them and the insecurity is still there but I have a goal with 30lbs more to lose I am focusing on that, feeling more comfortable in myself and my own skin and becoming the best person I can be, the person I have always felt like inside and am trying to live every moment in the present enjoying the moment, the process and envisioning the end result. I have awhile to go but I know I'll get there because regardless of the changes on the outside the biggest change has happened on the inside and every day I am learning to "love" myself a little bit more.