staying strong with bad news
Saturday, February 09, 2013
I am currently managing to do something that eluded me most of the year 2012--keep taking care of myself and making good choices through stress! My Dad (who has been sick with bone cancer for the past 4 years and spent a good chunk of last year in the hospital and very ill) had his blood counts on Thursday. They showed that his cancer is either suddenly very aggressive or has moved on to Leukemia (what this type of cancer does). He had a bone marrow biopsy that day, and we will get all the results on Tuesday after noon.
It sucks. It has been 4 years of ups and downs, but also a lot of closeness and gratitude.
But what I want to focus on in this blog is that I am not falling apart. I have not gone out to eat since we found out, and have continued on my alcohol fast. Jenny and I decided after Dad's last hospitalization that we needed to have a better game plan for when things went into crisis again. So we made a list. A kind of 'break glass if necessary' list. So on Thursday we sat down and started the list. We decided to continue our alcohol fast. We decided to avoid going out to eat. We decided that I would keep tracking every day. We decided to make exercise a priority, despite the difficulty. We also went out and got a bunch of processed (but organic) food that is relatively healthy and easy to cook but also yummy to ease the burden and make staying home for dinner more attractive.
So far, so good. It feels a little strange to celebrate this victory in the midst of this bad news, but it is a victory, dammit. I spent most of 2012 being a victim of my Dad's illness. I won't do it again. I can care for him and my Mom without letting go of myself and what I KNOW I need to do to be healthy and happy. If we go out to eat or have a drink, it will be because we DECIDED to, not because nachos heal all wounds (even though it does seem like it in the moment).
Today we are taking the day to do calm things around the house. I took the newest dog (the puppy pit bull we ended up keeping after 'fostering' her) for a long walk to get out some of that puppy energy. She did SO well and was so cute. We walked all over downtown St. Louis among all the people going o Mardi Gras. It was way fun.
Tomorrow we head out to my folks to spend the day with them.
Things are good, even though they aren't. You know?
Have a great weekend!