Saturday, February 09, 2013
When I was young I lived in a world where alligators and little men riding on horses playing polo ruled. Laura Ashley was everyone's best friend and for some reason Dickie pants were the thing. These things were important to me because they were important to my friends. I needed boat shoes for some reason even though we didn't have a boat! I always felt kind of uncomfortable and stuffy in those kinds of clothes but I wore them anyway because they were the "uniform" of the area in which we lived. At some point in high school I rebelled and wore the new uniform of all dark and distraught teen girls as shown to us by Alley Sheedy in "The Breakfast Club"... ALL BLACK! Well, I added purple high tops to the ensemble to occasionally mix it up...and I still wore the Ralph Lauren perfume of course.
After those years I was kind of a mess, trying to find "my style" trying punk, trying sporty, trying...well kind of slutty...sadly I landed back into the Polo thing when I married the first time since it was his "uniform" too. However, once I was out on my own again, newly divorced and living in a tiny little apartment in a sketch part of Chicago (it was all I could afford) I actually stumbled into what really did become my "style". I could not afford to shop in regular stores so I scoured thrift shops and ended up with a very "vintage eclectic" style that felt fun and wonderful and was completely me. Three quarter length sleeves, fur collared jackets, women's vintage suit jackets with sassy mini skirts...once I even scored at a Ben Franklin store up in Northern Minnesota and found, way high up on the shelves brand new clothes and shoes from the 60's that they had never sold...lots of capri pants, vintage collared shirts and even a skirt or two...I got them for pennies! At about this time I also cut off most of my hair (like a boys) and bleached it white blonde!
Even once I became more successful in my career and had met Patrick I stuck with this funky style and just added in pieces that went well from "real" department stores. I never didn't have something cool to wear. Then several things happened...I started gaining weight AND then...I left the country putting all of my stuff except the summer things in storage since we were moving to the Caribbean.
On my first trip back from the islands I had gained more weight and had a shopping spree at Old Navy to fix my wardrobe since I didn't fit into many of my clothes...Old Navy is nice but is not really my style...didn't matter. I needed clothes.
When we moved to Norway I had to make another shift because now I had all summer clothes and was heading to the Arctic. Another frantic shopping spree...again at another size up...trying to buy warm clothes on a bit of a budget. Not worried about the style.
THEN I got pregnant with Liam...up a few more sizes after that but needed my money for the baby and then another move to Oslo from Tromsø. By that spring, I literally had two pairs of pants that fit me (one was sweat pants) and a whole bunch of boxes stuffed under my bed with a mish mash of different clothes in them ...my "style" completely forgotten.
I did begin my weightloss journey that year though and delighted in pulling those boxes out and seeing clothes start to fit again. Then summer came. I pulled out my boxes to get ready for my first trip to France and realized that I had passed my clothes up and was too small for my summer clothes! Another frantic trip of clothes shopping...I was going to France! But they were summer clothes and I lived in Norway.
I kept losing weight and then...on the other end of things, I found that I was again wearing one or two outfits all the time because now I was getting too small for everything but not done losing my weight and not wanting to invest in in between clothes. (Thank goodness sweatpants have draw strings! ....Sadly keep in mind...just a few years before I would not be caught dead in sweatpants at all much less ill fitting baggy ones!)
Then a miracle happened...we had to move again. (I do this a lot.) The day I went to visit our new apartment to collect the keys the woman who owned the place had three huge IKEA bags full of clothes sitting there and asked me if I wanted them because she was about to donate them. (She had gone through a divorce, weight gain and weightloss and a style transformation of her own leaving a huge load of clothes in her wake.) I gladly accepted the bags and had a ball going through them. This woman had style...not mine...but one I could deal with. She saved me and never really knew! I ditched most of my clothes and took on her style.
Thing is...she actually was a little bigger than me and I lost a few more pounds so I had to discard some of her clothes...then for some reason my mom started occasionally buying me clothes and... well...her taste has become kind of odd over time...and yet...clothes are expensive here so I wear some of it...although I can't do the glittery Minnesota Vikings shirt or the Michael Jackson like jacket.
Soooooo here I am...going through my closet....another move...another mish mash of clothes! Granted, a higher quality mish mash than before but a mish mash none the less. The kicker is I had bought a few pieces on my own last year that I like, but guess what? I GAINED again so they don't fit! UGHHHHHHH!
I would love to get rid of everything I don't like. I would like to start fresh with this move. How fun would it be to go back to my style...the only true style that I ever felt completely comfortable in. Unique. But I can't. If you have been following you know I have some issues right now with expenses and it is impossible for me to even think of replacing or adding to my wardrobe. Today I will huck anything I just can't stand but I can't overhaul it all. I dream of my wardrobe that is currently in the depths of a storage unit in Southern Oregon...fashionable and cool and unused.
Just another day...just another complaint from me! Thanks for bearing with me through this!