Friday, February 08, 2013
I can't exactly put my finger on it, but in the last couple weeks, I've REALLY been struggling with work. I have a decent job and it pays well but I want to be a stay-at-home mom. It's not that we "need" my income but we're trying to get out of debt so I agreed to work until we were debt free. We'll it's taking WAY longer than we planned.
I've been working for over 2 years now and was supposed to be able to quit this year, but we're still fighting to get rid of these last couple (large) debts. The first few went more quickly and it was encouraging to feel like we were making progress. Now it seems like we can't make any progress. Every time I think we're on track, some big bill comes and knocks us off track again.
I can feel myself wearing down but I know dh really wants me to keep working until at least this next debt is paid, but it's a biggie and will likely AT LEAST take until next year's tax return. Another year of work sounds like no big deal to lots of people, especially since it's part-time, but my heart is at home. Besides, I'm trying to homeschool my son, lose weight, shop smart, cook healthy, be at all the kids' stuff, support my dh in his very busy schedule, serve at church, fit in plenty of exercise...I'm getting worn out and have noticed my attitude slipping more.
I just want to be home. I would gladly not buy another item of clothing for a year or eat out for months if I could just stay home. I would learn to cook cheaper meals, give up cable (dh would never go for that), grow a bigger garden and store more food, trade in our regular summer trips for a camping weekend... God knows my heart but I can't tell if my wanting to come home now is selfish (probably) because I did agree to do this job until we had these bills gone or if it is Him guiding me back home, knowing it's my place and desire.
Anyway, just needed to vent/share and now on with life...food and exercise have been wonderful, so that's good.