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    LILBLKDRESS09   15,082
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Fat..what does it really mean?

Friday, February 08, 2013

I have always been one of those girls that has had the pretty face but could lose weight to look beautiful. Every time people would give me this "Compliment" slash insult. It only left me feeling less adequate then when our conversation had started.

I have major self esteem issues..go figure. You tell a child that she is fat and ugly her whole life..what else is she suppose to believe?

I really need to get past the negativity it is getting old... I just can't quite figure out how to rid myself of the garbage that is floating around in my head.

What I do know are the facts:

1. I don't want my children to grow up and realize that mom is a nut case.. I rather fix it all now while they still think that I am the Bomb!

2.As much weight as I lose it's never enough to rid me of my love affair with the scale.. I need to break up with it and move on.. and let go of the " oh for old times sake lets just meet up and see where it goes from there... "

3.I hate myself... sad but its the truth. I have never loved myself and this needs to change.

4.I push people away to avoid having to explain why I am so messed up.

So with all this said.. what is fat? who defines it? why is being fat a death sentence?

Yes I am FAT.

Get over it already.












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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

POISONGIRL999 2/8/2013 3:35PM

    You are beautiful! But I agree the scale needs to go. Best thing I ever did was ask my husband to hide the scale. I have never looked back. As for childhood crap. Honestly it creeps up at the most unexpecting times. My mom had this way of telling me that things weren't fitting right in most embarrassing and weird ways. Like hey look at these cool jeans I bought! Honey they look a little tight in the crotch area don't you think??? Even now it never fails, I try on a pair of pants and immediatly look at the crotch area. I think she was just trying to be nice, but really??? But I guess I preffered that to when she just come right out and say, you look chunky in that you should change. Moms, gotta love em!

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