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Entering my 'teens... and my gain story.

Friday, February 08, 2013

So I got a LOVELY surprise on the scale this morning, for the first time ever I saw a number in the two-teens!

The reason I have never seen a number in the teens is, in 2005 I made a HUGE mistake.

I had worked for WW for years and I started finding it a BIG strain to maintain my weight. Every month I would try every trick in the book to get my weight to drop back down to goal...drinking lots of water, eating no sodium, weighing every outfit I owned so I only wore the lightest clothes, all just to avoid seeing my TRUE weight on the scale. For about a year I managed to jerry-rig my weight back down to goal on my weigh in day, but it was not sustainable. So I did it. I made my huge mistake.

I broke up with my scale.

I also broke up with WW at this time, although I feel that was a healthy breakup. It was causing me too much stress and I needed to work on ME, to work on the reasons that the scale was creeping up. But what did I do?

I ate.

and ate.

and ate and ate and ate and ate and ate and then?

I got pregnant.

and I saw a midwife, who did not require weigh ins.

I went from a size medium the year before to an XXL at the end of pregnancy. After my son was born I wore my maternity clothes for a year before I realised I had to buy REAL clothes.

and none of the clothes in the regular stores fit. I was humiliated. I started buying 20s and 22s, but only in places like Walmart. I would dash around the plus section of the store, hoping no one would see me. I'm not sure what I was embarrassed about, I mean good lord, anyone could see that I was fat. It just seemed like going into a dedicated PLUS store would make it real. I decided that the sizes on the clothes must be wrong. and I just had to wear them because I had a baby belly.

I looked nine months pregnant. I was just fat.

About a year after my son was born I decided to face my weight. And the weight I saw was exactly 100 pounds over my WW goal weight. It had only been about 2.5 years.

100 pounds in 2.5 years.

I began my battle. I worked hard and lost about 25 pounds. This pattern would repeat itself for years. I had two additional babies, but luckily didn't gain with them. I maintained about 10 pounds off my highest weight but the remainder of my gain? I gained and lost the same 20 pounds for years.

This year I made a choice. This was my FINAL loss. If I couldn't do it on my own, I would seek medical help. I quit smoking first, because having ANY addiction for me makes kicking another addiction harder. I bought exercise equipment for my "NO EXCUSES" garage gym.

On November 12th 2013 I began my final push. I exercised six days a week, and I ate within my ranges. I didn't weigh at first but then I realised what not weighing had done before and I am NOT willing to let that happen again.

So there we have it, and here I am, seeing a number in the teens for the first time. It is a bit scary! This body has been through a war and I truly believe I will get to goal this time. The problem is, I don't know what is waiting for me there. The unknown is scary. The fear of failure is scary. ALL of this is scary. 219, is scary.

But if I reject success the alternative may be comfortable, but it is not happy. So forward I go.

Ok, end rambles....

Member Comments About This Blog Post:
SKINNYYENNY 2/11/2013 3:33PM

    Good for you! You can't face your fears without opening your eyes - and you are doing just that!


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GORIANA 2/11/2013 11:25AM

    emoticon I hope we all get to goal and we can face the unknown together. There is power in numbers...lower numbers! emoticon

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RYDERB 2/9/2013 7:39AM

    Once we face that number, we take away the power it has over us. Congratulations on choosing to take your power back.
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TADDUNI 2/8/2013 3:13PM

    That's awesome! I know how good that feels. I just recently broke the 200 barrier. It feels like it's been forever since I was under 200. Now granted it's only 2 pounds under 200 but it IS under. I felt the same way when I finally got into the teens, just like you. Keep up the good work! WE CAN DO THIS emoticon

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