Heavy Topic, be Warned.
Friday, February 08, 2013
I'm learning about how to become Binge Free from lots of folks on the Living Binge Free Team! Thanks everyone!
Right now I am taking the 21 day challenge to stay Binge Free. I've learned that I am stuck in a habit of self medicating myself with binges. It is my go-to response to many triggers. One is seeing sweets on tv, or on Pinterest. It's food porn to me. Another is if stay in the kitchen after supper and I'm alone with the pantry and the cookies, I start gobbling. Most often it occurs on nights when I've had a particularly stressful day.
I've been having a binge 2-3 times a week lately. I'm on day 3 of my latest streak. I aim to be successful with sane eating. I am journaling about my urges to eat. Sometimes it works, others I forget to journal because the urge catches me off guard.
Last binge I was conscious of the desire to binge as I reached for the first cookie. Fully planning to binge, I even knew what the trigger was. And the fact that I was aware of it was a good sign that I will get to the point that I will avert the damage caused, by turning away after one or even no cookies. and turning to my journal, or to reading a good book.
I have borderline personality disorder, and when I have stress especially due not feeling like someone is understanding my side of things or acknowledging how I feel about a situation, I don't address it except by having a binge or lashing out at the other person involved. I used to be a "cutter". But I have overcome most of the behaviors associated with BPD and have been very stable for years. I think recently I have had some relapses due to additional stress that I wasn't anticipating and haven't handled well.
I know this is a heavy topic. And I am putting myself out there admitting to you that I have these problems. But you all are so full of love and support that I feel I can entrust you with my heart.
Thanks for listening. I am doing better the past couple of days and have a hopeful peaceful feeling right now.