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The worst week in my history ~ venting

Friday, February 08, 2013

My eating has been horrible. I have had chocolate, butter, sweets, not tracking, no really exercising. My hormones are all over the spectrum this week thanks to TOM.

I am crying now because I have a tummy ache and I am hungry. I am crying now because Rick Springfield is on the View and said his wife is the key to their 30yrs of marriage. My dh can not say I am the key to our marriage or the kids.

I want to run but I am afraid I will puke if I do because I have made terrible, horrible, nasty choices.

I am now living with the choices via tummy aches, pains from the dairy, the self kicking.

Right now I have a sweet potato with my name on it but I am afraid to eat it. Afraid I will get out of control.

I tried to make cake pops for the kids and I will NEVER make them again. I know why they are so $$ it is a lot of work and well too much temptation.

I know I can not do anything now, but make better choices for the rest of the day.

What is worse I once ate like this all the time years ago and it never bothered me. Now, I hurts me physically and mentally.

I hate myself right now. I am in pain and it is my fault.

We are going out for pizza tonight and I am going to stop at Subway and get a veggie sub no cheese, no mayo and light drizzle of oil and water.

CRAP I hate TOM. It has been a LONG time since TOM has messed me up.

Venting is done and now I am going to have a sweet potato with lactose free butter, garlic and pepper and a side of grilled chicken and 4 glasses of water. I will skip The Chew for exercise, protein bar, shower, and a walk to the bus stop.

Sorry for the dumb blog, but I have no one else to cry to.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Been there MANY times, Becky! Good for you for coming here and blogging it out. It's a great release. Here's to a better week!
    1852 days ago
  • AWOLF24
    emoticon I hope you are feeling better!!!
    1856 days ago
    emoticon I am sorry you are so down on your self. Pick your self up and get back to living healthy. emoticon emoticon I know you are emoticon
    1856 days ago
    I know the feeling well...the bad eating...the feeling of totally losing control :( I'm so glad you came here and shared your feelings with us. Only YOU can get back in control, but we can be a great source of support and yes, a sounding board when you feel you have no where else to turn. I hope you're on your way to being back on track. Hugs to you...
    1857 days ago
  • EBETH13
    Oh no!!! What did I miss! Dear dear friend, please don't be down on yourself.
    You are more "key" to your husband than you think!! He may not even realize his life without all your love and care for your family. You ARE key and you are so precious.

    Love, love, love LOVE and prayers to you today and everyday!! You are my hero!!
    1861 days ago
    You are strong. Remain strong!!!
    1867 days ago
    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    I don't think your blog is dumb at all. It is honest and it allowed you to vent. Once you let those feelings out, they can no longer poison you. Good job with that Becky! Look at how quickly you were able to pinpoint the problem. The old you most likely wouldn't have been able to do that. Again, good job on the positive changes! Not only did you make those changes but you have still maintained them!

    I agree with SLENDERELLA61 that your body has gotten used to all of those healthy changes and is giving you valuable feedback. How awesome is that? And... you are obviously listening to that feedback which is equally awesome. Think of today as a bump in the road on your journey. Sometimes there are things that come along that seem like they are outside our control. You came to the right place to vent and you know exactly what you need to do to deal with it in the future. That knowledge will take you a long way to achieving your goals. Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day for you. Remember, every day is a chance for us to start over. A fresh start gives us hope for the future.

    You can do this and we're all here to support you!
    Take care,
    1867 days ago
    emoticon oh how i feel for you my love.know you are not on your own there love i have done the same thing many times.remember though you have come far from are noticing,and that is what means you are aware and that is the step that will stop it continueing so takecredit and pride for that.know we are here anytime you want to vent.remeber lent is coming up shortly so pik one of the things you are struggling with to give up.remember though it will be one day before valentines days that it starts so if you want to eat chocolate for valentines day pick something else.hugs and remember we all have one is perfect. emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1867 days ago
    Please don't beat yourself up. Sometimes our bodies do rule us, but you have a good plan for getting back on track. One or even a few days will not ruin your weight loss. Just as your body craves junk during your TOM, it will crave healthy food as soon as your TOM is over. Work in a little extra exercise and don't emoticon despair.
    1867 days ago
    SP is a good, safe place to cry. It's the right place to vent and confess. I suspect almost all of us have been there. I've been there. I've done it. And I keep making progress. It's not all bad that eating like that now makes you feel sick. Your body has gotten smarter and it is giving you valuable feedback. Now, step back, thank your body and commit to taking better care of it. Cake Pops and TOM were just too much. OK. Next time you'll remember extra broccoli right before and during TOM - make sure you are getting the magnesium and minerals your body needs and don't tease yourself with homemade intense sweets during that time. Instead, if you think the kids need a treat, get something they like but wouldn't tempt you much.

    Your plan for getting back on track looks great!! You can do it!!! Thanks for the honesty. It helps us all to know we are not alone. -Marsha

    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1867 days ago

    Comment edited on: 2/8/2013 1:20:09 PM
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