Friday, February 08, 2013
My eating has been horrible. I have had chocolate, butter, sweets, not tracking, no really exercising. My hormones are all over the spectrum this week thanks to TOM.
I am crying now because I have a tummy ache and I am hungry. I am crying now because Rick Springfield is on the View and said his wife is the key to their 30yrs of marriage. My dh can not say I am the key to our marriage or the kids.
I want to run but I am afraid I will puke if I do because I have made terrible, horrible, nasty choices.
I am now living with the choices via tummy aches, pains from the dairy, the self kicking.
Right now I have a sweet potato with my name on it but I am afraid to eat it. Afraid I will get out of control.
I tried to make cake pops for the kids and I will NEVER make them again. I know why they are so $$ it is a lot of work and well too much temptation.
I know I can not do anything now, but make better choices for the rest of the day.
What is worse I once ate like this all the time years ago and it never bothered me. Now, I hurts me physically and mentally.
I hate myself right now. I am in pain and it is my fault.
We are going out for pizza tonight and I am going to stop at Subway and get a veggie sub no cheese, no mayo and light drizzle of oil and water.
CRAP I hate TOM. It has been a LONG time since TOM has messed me up.
Venting is done and now I am going to have a sweet potato with lactose free butter, garlic and pepper and a side of grilled chicken and 4 glasses of water. I will skip The Chew for exercise, protein bar, shower, and a walk to the bus stop.
Sorry for the dumb blog, but I have no one else to cry to.