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    HELLO_HURRICANE   2,835
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There's a she wolf in your closet

Friday, February 08, 2013

So I was going to write just a moopy blog entry but then I started to play the shakira "she wolf" song and I just can't. She keeps talking about the she wolf in my closet. Alright, the current song is Adele's "When will I see you again".

Now that you could picture what is playing in my room while I write this, I feel like a large part of the reason why I can not get on track with eating healthy really just comes down to my relationship with my self. I had a dream last night where I was back in high school, and god I hated high school. It was a different school though, and I had no friends, and all I wanted for one moment is my old relationships with the few people that I used to be friends with. And then when I woke up I realized I did miss either those people, or the just friendships in general. I hate those dreams that bring the problems that I am dealing with into my dreams. I distract myself enough to not think about my lack of meaningful relationships...

So I figured that I should just blog about what I am feeling. Therapists are too expensive and just usually validate what youre saying and serve as a support but I could just blog for free.

I will try to make more of an effort to blog and work on creating new relationships in my life. I have to learn to be more social and learn to let people in.
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THEEXERCISER 2/10/2013 7:51PM

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VAMPYRE03 2/10/2013 5:32AM

    I hear you!!! I'm glad your back on SP :) Let it out, the good and the bad... I too have had a very tough time with relationships with friends, family, and especially myself... I kept saying I need to pick myself up by my bootstraps, but I can't remember where I left them... Once I find my bootstraps I'll gain motivation, and then I can start rebuilding my life into something that I love to wake up to, and better yet, something I'm not afraid to fall asleep on... cause what dreams may come, are sometimes, not just sad and depressing, but can also be terrifying, or worse more enjoyable than my waking hours, therefore it makes it extremely hard to get up and face reality... cause sometime realty sucks :) or so it seems ... .I kept asking myself, why can't I find my bootstraps, what's wrong with me???... and then I finally started asking what are my bootstraps??? And only very recently I've come to realize that my bootstraps are nothing more than my ability to change my perspective!!!! Once I was able to give myself permission to step back from all the negative, and false positive crap in my brain, and look at things subjectively only then was I able to change my perspective, and not only get a grip, but also to start gaining my power back, and once again feel like I have control over my life... very bad things happen... its the way that we deal with them that makes all the difference... and that starts with how we percieve our options... I love that you've decided to reach out, and take control, and do what you need to do to to take care of and help yourself!!!! It sounds like you're getting a grip on your bootstraps, and pulling yourself up... its not an easy journey, but it does have many perks... the best one being you're new excitement about your self!!!! Once others see how you treat yourself, they'll soon step in line too, and those that don't well, you're better off without them... cause as I've recently told my family we only get so many birthdays, and holidays I'm not going to let your bad attitude ruin my day... I love myself too much to let you take my power away anymore... You know what... it's taken some time, but they all seem to have fallen in line with it... I had a great day today not because it was wonderful, or uneventful, but becasue I refused to let the mishaps, get me down... I held tigtly to my bootstraps... I hope you can do the same... Hang in there... I trully am glad you're back... I actually stumbled upon your blog after I wrote mine "Man, I had a great day today" blog where I outlined some of my funnier mishaps that at the time seemed like they could spiral out of control, and then turned out to be really funny all due to my change in perspective. Once you're a bit more comfortable with your relationship with yourself, you'll finally be able to see all the friends around you just waiting to say hello, how've you been, long time no see.. we knew you had a lot going on, that's why we didn't call... It hurts, and resentment will want to rear its ugly head, but to be fair... how many people haven't you called either??? That's something else I realized... they didn't just fall off the face of the earth... I did too lol... silly me... I just needed to change my viewing angle (perspective) they were backing me all the time... I just couldn't see them through my own darkness, I just needed to turn on the light... and maybe change the bulb :)

Thank you for the blog we're all here for you... let us know how its going... and If I said something that may have offended you I"m sorry I didn't mean too... I just know how I'VE felt for a very long time... My life isn't all wine and roses, in fact there is no wine or roses to speak of, (on paper mylife looks terrible) but I've decided to take one day at a time, and listen to myself especially when my gut says I don't like this... I have to remind myself it's ok to be brave... to take a moment to ask myself what do I want? and what do I need to do make myself more comfortable again... Like I said we only have so many birthdays, holidays, and other days... the only thing that matters is I'm happy with myself on the inside, so if that means I have to take the moment to breathe, regroup, and take action then I'll do it... IT'S IMPORTANT TO ME!!! MY FEELINGS DO MATTER!!! I have to tell people what I want, or what I don't want and if they choose to listen and do then good, but if they don't then I refuse to let them take my power away... I'm the only one that can trully decide how I (insert verb here )....

Again, I'm glad you decided to blog... apparently I needed to talk too :) hey, but that's what friends do... listen, and complain... aka commiserate :)

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LADYJ6942 2/8/2013 11:30AM

    Letting people in is challenge, especially if they've had a tendancy to hurt you vs support you. You are making great strides to improve yourself, hopefully for yourself and this too will come in time.

Good luck and keep pushing.

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JLEMUS1 2/8/2013 10:52AM

    Hang in there, think of it as a new beginning!!! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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