Friday, February 08, 2013
I stated re-reading Jillian's first book, "Winning by Losing," to help me re-focus, go back to square one, get back to the basics, etc. I've been on the weight-loss train for so long, sometimes it helps me to just take a deep breath and start over, clean slate. Of course, one of the first suggestions she makes is to start a journal. Of course. ;)
1: What is your goal weight?
2: What will you look and feel like? How will your life be different? Better? What do you want to accomplish? Who do you want to be? What will you be able to wear that you can't now?
I will be, above all, CONFIDENT. I am so so sick of always feeling inferior to others.
I almost can't believe I wrote that last sentence.
"Feeling inferior" is not something I can cure by losing 10 pounds. I don't know that I've ever really admitted that, at the core of it, is this pervasive feeling of inferiority and of being "less than" because my belly jiggles. I put so much stock in how much I weigh... though I don't think I've ever really admitted it. Nonetheless, I DO feel so self-conscious when I go to the gym. I am constantly comparing my body with others. I am SO strong... for example, at a class on Tuesday the instructor came up to me and said, "You are EXTREMELY FIT! No one else was pushing as hard as you were. I'm so impressed." At another class, the instructor asked if I was a fitness instructor because my form was "perfect." However, these things that people say go in one ear and out the other, because I still feel like all I am is "a fat girl."
Well... that was a major digression... my apologies. If you're reading this blog I have to warn you, this is just going to be my mental vomit that I can't get out anywhere else. And so moving onto the next part of the question. How will my life be different or better? I believe that if I can get a handle on my weight once and for all, I will have confidence when I enter a room. I will finally feel that I am worthy of being a personal trainer. I will be able to have the job that I WANT, not the job I force myself to do every day. I will be able to go the the beach, which I love, and not feel self-conscious constantly. We never go to the beach with friends because I hate and refuse to wear a bathing suit in front of people I know. I want to be able to have more fun. Granted, I should be able to "have more fun" NOW, the way I AM, but it is so hard. I will work on it. I will work on being more confident and having more fun in the body I am in at the moment. I want to work on not putting these things off.
So, ultimately, my goal is 135 pounds.
In the next month, I want to lose 5 pounds.
In the next week, I want to cook all my meals at home and work out 6 times.
Today, I will not have dessert or sugary snacks and will spend an hour at the gym.
3: Before you eat, ask yourself: "Are you hungry? Are you depressed or anxious? Are you bored? Can you address what's really bugging you in a way that actually contributes to fixing hte problem, rather than just by eating something?"
4: Find activities that make you feel GOOD, physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually. Indulge in these when ice cream or peanut butter cups are calling to you.
Physically, I love taking baths. I like watching Breaking Bad with James. I love a nice hot cup of tea. I really do love working out. Try yoga. Read a book you ENJOY. Get a massage, a mani/pedi or a facial. Paint your own nails.
Mentally, take a few minutes to calm down. Read. Do yoga. Work on lesson plans (though I hate it).
Pray. Go to church. Visit with God.
Ok...I think I'm exhausted for today. I'm going to go get ready for my day, have some breakfast, read a bit, and then go get my haircut.