Friday, February 08, 2013
We had a good run for the last 3+ weeks, eating clean and healthy, getting a good night sleep and waking and maintaining a happy/positive mood every day.
I am so sorry for how I treated you yesterday. For not fueling you before we started out for the day, for putting garbage in all day. I understand why last night you decided to punish me. You were bloated, unable to sleep due to the gas, bloat, the depression I feel this morning and general upset system. For dragging me out of bed to drink 27 ounces of water at 1 am.
I promise you I have learned my lesson. I will not do this to you ever again. I don't know how I didn't understand or get this before, with you telling me these things everyday for all these years. But I get it now. From here on in, I will treat you as you deserve to be treated by fueling you with clean, healthy foods, exercising daily and making time to listen to what you are telling me.
Thank you for putting up with me all these years when I have treated you so badly and carelessly. I promise to think about you first and take are of you from here on in.
Yesterday my middle child turned 16. Excitedly we headed out for the hour drive to the driver test center (water bottle in hand) so he could write the exam. He asks for food as he was now hungry - McDonald's here we come, I order nothing. The smell from his breakfast actually turned my stomach and he said it didn't taste as good as he thought or remembered.
We get to the test center, find out he needs some special paper signed. Reading through the list of acceptable people who have known him at least 2 yrs (dentist - 2 hours away, doctor - seen him once since he became our doctor while he was in the ER after a back bike fall, and a list of people we don't know but wait teachers/principals count), we head back home to see his grade 8 teacher (she has taught all 3 of my kids). So an hour drive back up to the school, then after seeing her and many others I haven't seen in almost a year (since daughter moved on to high school this year), an hour back down, 45 minutes there and he walks out with his learner's permit. It's starting to snow, and I have to get home and get ready for work. So home we head.
Mom I'm hungry, meaning his nerves are calming down. It's your birthday, what do you want - Little Caesar's, okay but I want to buy for you since you had to do all this driving. Okay I can do this, I can buy the crazy bread and split it with his dad when he comes to pick me up. Nope, ate 6 of the 8 pieces. Realized, I left the house with no food in me, just coffee, so no wonder I couldn't stop, I was hungry. Okay forgiven and make note to never do that again.
After work, went to get his birthday pie, he loves banana cream pie. Hubby, that's not enough for all of us, get this chocolate cream too. Son wants Chinese for birthday dinner. So I order individual meals. Do I feel guilty about what I ate, no. I feel guilty over how much of it I ate and that I didn't fuel up properly even once yesterday. Had a lot of time laying on the couch awake to think about things. And how I will deal with these things in the future.