1. There is a link between fear and anger, and fear and tears. I learned this in my years married to my son's father. He was an exploder. Seemed calm most of the time, but would suddenly (and I never seemed to be able to predict when) "blow up" with shouting, that eventually led to throwing things, and in the final episode of our marriage... well, we won't go there. I spent years "walking on eggshells" trying to prevent those explosions. Because they scared me.
However, he was smart and articulate guy, despite his problems... and when we were both rational we talked about his response to fear (anger), and mine (tears). Didn't solve the long term problem, which is one of the reasons we are ex-es... but it did offer some insight.
I was keeping a part of me as the "compassionate observer" this week, I began to realize that my anger was indeed linked to inner fears. As I took steps to handle the things I was afraid of, the anger level lessened. As I accepted the things I had no control over, was honest about the mistakes on my part but did not leave out that others made mistakes as well (assertive, not taking it all on myself)... the anger level lessened. As I communicated about the issues involved, and people stepped up... the anger level lessened.
In the end... things that need to get done are being done. So anger was a spur to action, and as uncomfortable as it was (STILL don't like feeling that way)... it is an emotion, and emotions are not permanent states if you don't feed them. Logic is a fine tool. Its regular use is recommended.
2. I know from experience that I can eat to soothe myself. Eating may numb the feelings for a while, but in the end, whether I eat or not, if I do the things I need to do to handle the root cause of the uncomfy emotion... it will dissipate, and things will get better.
I feel much better about myself if I have managed to NOT cave. Although I have also learned to cut myself a break if I do slip-slide... just remember to learn from it.
3. Writing about what I'm going through is an alternative to eating the emotions. I thank those who hung in with reading about it and offering supportive words! Kinda feels like I'm a bit narcissistic, but y'all know I write these as my personal pep talks, right?
If it turns out they are useful for someone else? That's an incredible bonus.
That said, it's FRIDAY! I'm feeling good about surviving this particular week. And I'm looking forward to the weekend, and saying "it was tough, but it was WORTH it!"
Because life is GOOD. Spark on!