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jokes and daily notes

Friday, February 08, 2013

food okay, on my 10 cups of water now my 3 positive
1 got to go to goodwill with sis

3 No chips and no m&m

4 DID 75 WALL SQUATOn the way out

The priest was preparing a man for his long day's journey into night.

Whispering firmly, the priest said, "Denounce the devil! Let him know how little you think of his evil!"

The dying man said nothing.

The priest repeated his advice. Still the dying man said nothing.

The priest asked, "Why do you refuse to denounce the devil and his evil?"

The dying man said, "Until I know where I'm heading, I don't think I ought to aggravate anybody!"
A Friday Funny Story

Roger left for work on Friday morning. Friday was payday, so instead of going home, he stayed out the entire weekend partying with the boys and spending his entire pay packet.

Finally, Roger appeared at home on Sunday night, and obviously he was confronted by his angry wife, Martha who castigated Roger for nearly two hours with a tirade befitting his actions. Finally, Martha stopped the nagging and said to Roger, 'How would you like it if you didn't see me for two or three days?'

Roger replied grimly, 'That would be fine with me.'

Monday went by and he didn't see his Martha. Tuesday and Wednesday came and went with the same results.

By the Thursday, the swelling had gone down just enough so that Roger he could see Martha a little out of the corner of his left eye
You Know You've Had Too Much Coffee When
Juan Valdez named his donkey after you.
You grind your coffee beans in your mouth.
The only time you're standing still is during an earthquake.
You can take a picture of yourself from ten feet away without using the timer.
You lick your coffeepot clean.
You spend every vacation visiting "Maxwell House."
You're the employee of the month at the local coffeehouse and you don't even work there.
Your eyes stay open when you sneeze.
You're so jittery that people use your hands to blend their margaritas.
You can jump-start your car without cables.
All your kids are named "Joe."
Your only source of nutrition comes from "Sweet & Low."
You go to AA meetings just for the free coffee.
You've built a miniature city out of little plastic stirrers.
People get dizzy just watching you.
When you find a penny, you say, "Find a penny, pick it up. Sixty-three more, I'll have a cup."
The Taster's Choice couple wants to adopt you.
Starbucks owns the mortgage on your house.
You're so wired, you pick up FM radio.
Your life's goal is to "amount to a hill of beans."
Instant coffee takes too long.
When someone says. "How are you?", you say, "Good to the last drop."
You want to be cremated just so you can spend the rest of eternity in a coffee can.
You go to sleep just so you can wake up and smell the coffee.
You're offended when people use the word "brew" to mean beer.
You name your cats "Cream" and "Sugar."
You get drunk just so you can sober up.
Your lips are permanently stuck in the sipping position.
You can outlast the Energizer bunny.
You don't even wait for the water to boil anymore.
You think being called a "drip" is a compliment.
You don't tan, you roast.
You can't even remember your second cup.
You introduce your spouse as your "Coffeemate."
You think CPR stands for "Coffee Provides Resuscitation."
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Hey, Hey, HEY !! YOu Little MEoWER !! Did ya LOSE my #????? WAHHHHHH !! Though yesterday was NOT a good day for me, I was home. :) Those are RARE times.

    SO SORRY its been rough hon. I'll give you a call,,,,wanna hear about "what deals did ya find at the "GW Boutique" as we call it. OLOLOL huh? Its AMAZING at this one here,,,,its a TOTAL ZOO !! They SELL BY THE POUND ! .19 CENTS for clothing a POUND ! You can REALLY RACK IT UP ! That's the one less than 2 blocks from where I live,,,and furniture,,, LOL A TOTAL STEAL !!! My fam bought a WHOLE LIVINGROOM SET,,, couch, loveseat, 2 ottomans, AND A HUGE chair,,,all in PERFECT SHAPE and NEWLY , BARELY used for JUST 45.00 !!!!!! I got a couch for JUST 12.95 ! A GREAT Bearu for ONLY 7.99 !!! its VERY TALL with 6 drawers,,, NICE ! Am going BACK for a desk where I'll NOT pay more than 4.99 for a NICE WOODEN ONE ! WOOHOOOOO !!!!!

    Hey some of those coffee jokes,,,,,HAHAHAHAHA !!!! Cream and Sugah !
    1861 days ago
    emoticon emoticon
    1862 days ago
    Way to go! Congrats on successful shopping!
    good jokes. So silly.
    1863 days ago
  • FITKAT62
    Great portion control!
    1863 days ago
    Only two crackers................good for you!
    1863 days ago
    emoticon thanks for the funnies.
    1863 days ago
  • DARJR50
    Thanks for the chuckles.
    1863 days ago
    crazy lady
    1863 days ago
    Well done on putting the brakes on the PB and crackers! Whoo hoo!
    Thanks for the giggles as well xo
    1863 days ago
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