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Whew, what a week

Friday, February 08, 2013

I gave myself a break from tracking food this week. It has been emotionally VERY difficult, & I need to be kind to myself.

Here's the deal. Finally it's a good time to refinance my condo mortgage, to get ex's name off the title & loan; my neighbor has just sold his unit for a good price, which means mine will be appraised at a much higher value than it was last year, & my mortgage will no longer be under water. So Monday a.m. before work I stopped by the county recorder of deeds office to record the quit-claim deed my ex signed as part of our divorce settlement. Turns out I would need several other docs to go with it; two would be easy to get, but the third would require his signature.

The thing is, not only is he a very complicated paranoid narcissistic person, but he has just moved back to his home country. I knew it wouldn't be easy to get him to sign, even though it would just be confirming the notarized signature he provided on the deed itself. I would have to e-mail him, after avoiding contact for many months.

It happens that the next day, before I'd put together the message, HE e-mailed ME to demand that I find out why my employer's benefits office has not yet forked over the portion of my retirement funds that he was awarded in the divorce. I am not responsible for getting him those funds (his lawyer had to file a form, & did--the benefits office at my workplace is just notoriously inefficient), & I certainly haven't done anything to block them. But I responded pleasantly & let him know that if there was anything I could sign to move things along, I would . . . & by the way, I had just learned that the attached scanned doc was legally required & would he kindly sign, rescan, & return it?

Of course not. He fired back a quick refusal, saying that ultimately I'm responsible for getting him that $$ & until that matter is resolved he won't sign anything.

It was very distressing. I lived 7 years with this paranoia & tendency to blame/bluster/threaten, & I'm still recovering from it. It was horrible to feel that I was again at the mercy of this abusive person. I'm afraid I haven't been very productive workwise this week. And last night I lay for hours without being able to fall asleep--very unusual for me (my insomnia tends to be the early-morning waking kind). Between sleeplessness, anxiety, & the wintry weather, exercise has worked out only one day thus far this week. Sigh.

But things are getting better. Yesterday my mortgage broker talked to a real-estate lawyer, who assures him that we can work around that tax declaration that ex was supposed to sign. I should be able to just submit the quit-claim itself along with my loan application, & the title company's lawyers will record the change.

It has to be confirmed by the lender, I guess, but presumably this lawyer knows his stuff. And I'm feeling VERY relieved. Tomorrow a.m. I'll just focus on getting to work on time, but Saturday I should be able to get in some good exercise. And if the stress means that I've not lost weight this week, or maybe have gained a bit, I won't beat myself up. Next week should be much better!
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Wow...what a week is right! It does look like it will all work out for you, but you certainly were put through the wringer yet again. How you stay as positive as you do never fails to amaze - and inspire - me. Be sure to blog when the whole refinancing situation is settled to your benefit. That will definitely be cause for celebration. Meanwhile, continue to take your advice and be kind to yourself!
    1865 days ago
    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    He's an ex for a reason. I hope you'll be more free of him after this, and that you'll have more peace and joy. You surely have been a positive participant in this world, and that will come back you.
    1867 days ago
    I'm sorry that you are still having to deal with his difficult attitude and refusal to do something that would help you. It seems so unfair. I really sympathize and can see how difficult that would be.

    I pray that you would be comforted, for relief from the stress and anxiety, and be able to release this problem and not feel the burden. God will take care of you and I pray that in the time you have to wait for the signature/resolution to this problem, that you wouldn't have this weighing you down.

    Keep taking care of yourself and being good to yourself. You deserve it. Hugs, dear friend! emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1869 days ago
    Ew, what a told him you would help if necessary, and then he acts like this? Way to bite the hand that feeds you, jerk!

    Once it's all taken care of with the deed, you should reply to that email and say since he was SO HELPFUL to you, you decided you would be equally as helpful. Maybe he should think about that next time he wants to be a jerk.
    1869 days ago
    Sorry to hear of your distressing week. i HATE your ex. He sounds like a terrible person. At least he is ALMOST completely out of your life... you definitely need to have parties every year on your divorce anniversary to celebrate that fact! You are a strong woman!
    1869 days ago
    HUGS to you friend...I know everything will work out, but I'm so sorry you are still having to deal with all this. Here's to a GREAT week next week!!!
    1869 days ago
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