Friday, February 08, 2013
I gave myself a break from tracking food this week. It has been emotionally VERY difficult, & I need to be kind to myself.
Here's the deal. Finally it's a good time to refinance my condo mortgage, to get ex's name off the title & loan; my neighbor has just sold his unit for a good price, which means mine will be appraised at a much higher value than it was last year, & my mortgage will no longer be under water. So Monday a.m. before work I stopped by the county recorder of deeds office to record the quit-claim deed my ex signed as part of our divorce settlement. Turns out I would need several other docs to go with it; two would be easy to get, but the third would require his signature.
The thing is, not only is he a very complicated paranoid narcissistic person, but he has just moved back to his home country. I knew it wouldn't be easy to get him to sign, even though it would just be confirming the notarized signature he provided on the deed itself. I would have to e-mail him, after avoiding contact for many months.
It happens that the next day, before I'd put together the message, HE e-mailed ME to demand that I find out why my employer's benefits office has not yet forked over the portion of my retirement funds that he was awarded in the divorce. I am not responsible for getting him those funds (his lawyer had to file a form, & did--the benefits office at my workplace is just notoriously inefficient), & I certainly haven't done anything to block them. But I responded pleasantly & let him know that if there was anything I could sign to move things along, I would . . . & by the way, I had just learned that the attached scanned doc was legally required & would he kindly sign, rescan, & return it?
Of course not. He fired back a quick refusal, saying that ultimately I'm responsible for getting him that $$ & until that matter is resolved he won't sign anything.
It was very distressing. I lived 7 years with this paranoia & tendency to blame/bluster/threaten, & I'm still recovering from it. It was horrible to feel that I was again at the mercy of this abusive person. I'm afraid I haven't been very productive workwise this week. And last night I lay for hours without being able to fall asleep--very unusual for me (my insomnia tends to be the early-morning waking kind). Between sleeplessness, anxiety, & the wintry weather, exercise has worked out only one day thus far this week. Sigh.
But things are getting better. Yesterday my mortgage broker talked to a real-estate lawyer, who assures him that we can work around that tax declaration that ex was supposed to sign. I should be able to just submit the quit-claim itself along with my loan application, & the title company's lawyers will record the change.
It has to be confirmed by the lender, I guess, but presumably this lawyer knows his stuff. And I'm feeling VERY relieved. Tomorrow a.m. I'll just focus on getting to work on time, but Saturday I should be able to get in some good exercise. And if the stress means that I've not lost weight this week, or maybe have gained a bit, I won't beat myself up. Next week should be much better!