Thursday, February 07, 2013
Here I am supposed to address my triggers. The foods that derail me and the things that make me reach for them even though I know better.
It seems like this list grows every day. It used to be short and sweet, but it seems like it's growing exponentially. I've been feeling especially vulnerable lately and therefore more susceptible to bad food decisions than usual. I haven't been sleeping well, hubby's has been struggling with his work schedule which leads to increased stress for me as well, work has been hectic, and I'm working my way through a course of Prednisone which leaves me edgy, grumpy, sleep-deprived, hungry, slightly sick feeling, and 8 pounds heavier than I was a week an a half ago. I knew it was coming, but tonight I feel like I could open my mouth to the back door of a Hostess truck (just as well they went out of business) and load up. Right now my triggers are just about everything. Once I finish this round of meds and get a few good nights of sleep I will feel more in control. For now though...
FOODS - chocolate, chips, TRAIL MIX, breads, pizza, home-made baked goods, chocolate, peanut butter, popcorn, cappuccino, chocolate, diet coke, bacon, chocolate, valentine's candy (dislike the holiday, love the candy), oh and did I mention chocolate?
EVENTS - stress, sleepiness, sleep deprivation, feeling sick, feeling sorry for myself, feeling like I've earned it either as a reward or punishment, apathy, anger, boredom, frustration, celebration, it being Thursday (or Saturday, or whatever), laziness, hopelessness, happiness, giving in (let's face it, sometimes it's easier to eat what's put in front of us than to argue when someone else cooks). So yeah, pretty much life in general.
CHANGES - the other piece of this blog is how I'm going to avoid these triggers in the upcoming winter 5% challenge. The brutally honest truth is that I have no clue. Not one. I haven't been able to control myself thus far, so what' different this time? I'm in a pretty crappy head-space lately and frankly I'm all out of pep talks for myself. Funny how we can be so "up" for other people and ready to support one another at the slightest need, but be so down on ourselves at the same time. I'm going to give this one some thought and come back to it. It's going to come down to willpower - or won't power as an old neighbor of mine used to call it. I'm just going to have to track, stay in my range, and say no to the rest. I am going to give myself one high(er) calories day a week though so I can have a restaurant meal or a pizza or a high cal home-made treat. If I don't allow for that I will fail, so I'm going to have to build in a pressure valve.
Man alive do I sound whiny tonight. I'll be better tomorrow - promise. I'm just tired and stressed and more than a little disgusted with the side effects of the meds. I get to lower the dose again on Saturday though so I should start to feel better soon after.