Thursday, February 07, 2013
It's been a crazy ride this last year. I honestly can't believe how much has changed. I never would have believed someone if they would have told me just how much I would change. Even with that, in the last month I have made huge leaps and bounds as well.
There was some time in which I was wondering if that when I did enter into a new relationship would I revert back to old ways, would I rely on them too much. Would I lose myself.
Well so far I would have to say I haven't reverted back into my old ways. I am relying on him because I need to learn to trust and surrender some control. I am actually finding myself even further because the relationship is not harboring any bad energy so I can divert my energy to growing. I have found myself opening up to him along with my friends.
I can feel my body starting to release the tension that's been built up for soo long. The tenderness in my muscles is dissapating. It's hard to explain, and I guess the best way I can explain it is that I'm starting to feel balanced and grounded. I'm starting to feel amazed by my body instead of disgusted by it.
So I have a month, till my next court hearing. Please let it be the end. I know that month is going to fly by, but I'm soo ready for it. I'm ready to tie up all the loose ends. I'm getting to the point at which he is still in the back of my mind but the thought passes in and out. It's just that he's still too present with the divorce still open. To be honest I have the feeling that this will not be the last hearing. I think there will be one more after this.
My supervisor at work got let go... Now there is an opening for his position. I'm going for it. I hope I will get it. That's not to say the Navy thing is going away, I just know that it will be a little while yet, before I leave and/or enlist.
Time will tell, and I have got to have faith. I know it will all work itself out. But as much as I have changed and learned about myself. Patience is still not one of my virtues.