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A Story About Trousers


Thursday, February 07, 2013

About ten years ago I owned a pair of trousers, hang on. Bad start, I've owned trousers since then - things would have been very cold otherwise! Let's start again....

About ten years ago I owned a very specific pair of trousers. Brown and utterly unremarkable in many ways. Size 16 said the label, and who was I to argue; I bought them, begrudgingly, without trying them on.

They didn't fit.

Now, this was a period of rapid ... swelling. Think a balloon, but with junk food instead of air. Yuck - perhaps think of something nicer instead while I tell the rest of the story. Anyway, rapid swelling. Yes. So it could be fair to assume that I'd eaten my way up to a different size. Except I hadn't (not yet anyway). They didn't fit because they were the most wrongly labelled trousers in the entire world. Years later, as a small size 12, I'd swanky about in my 'skinny' size 16s.

I'm only mentioning this because, look, I've got this pair of jeans, right. They're supposed to be slouchy, and the waist measurement is fine - except I only know that from taking a tape measure to them. I've yet to hoist the wretched things to their proper situation. Now, isn't there the possibility that these jeans are a bit like the trousers? Or is it more likely that my giant thighs and hips demand to be swaddled in enough material to make a family sized quilt?

Yeah... I know. I know. Keep working' out, keep logging calories. They'll fit one day. One damned day.

PS. I still own those 'skinny 16s', and when I'm a 12 again, I'll bloody swank about in them again too!
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