Finding energy when there isn't any
Thursday, February 07, 2013
IT's hard to tell, some days, whether my fatigue is a side effect of the chemo and radiation, or whether it's from being bed-ridden for the last year. It's so frustrating to have to keep telling my doctor how I am absolutely exhausted and have them respond with, "that's normal." On one hand, they tell me this is what should be expected and to take lots of naps, and then in the next breath, they'll tell me to try doing some walking on the treadmill.
I always feel like I have no energy and that there's no way I can get up and walk for even ten minutes. Things hurt from the surgeries and therapies. I'm often sore or having all over pain (one of my worse side effects from the taxol is a full-body myalgia and neuropathy mostly in my feet). But, I used to run every single day on a trail near my house - a 5k, every day. Every day. I remember how I would think I didn't feel like it, and how, when finished, those days were always the ones I'd feel so amazing after I did, and glad that I did it. So, I keep finding myself thinking about that, and forcing my body to get up and over to the treadmill. I have been saying to myself that I'll just play a song I really like and walk - even if only super slow - until the song is over. Every time I do, I find that I have no problem finishing at least the ten minutes I needed, and every singe time I come away with so much energy that I didn't think I had. Things are still sore, and I've discovered that they hurt the same, whether I'm laying down or walking around, so it's not hurting me to move a bit.
I thought I had lost every bit of endurance and athleticism from my pre-cancer life, but it turns out that my motivational attitude and athletic spirit is still there, somehow. I guess there are some things that cancer really can't take from me, after all.