Thursday, February 07, 2013
Sorry, this is an utter rant, but I'm hoping that by putting it on paper (erm.. e-paper?) it'll finally stop driving me crazy and start letting me move on and sort of reset.
I started exercising (then dieting) last winter, went steady until summer and then stopped when I went home. Came back to EU and more or less started dieting and exercising without much problem. I've been dropping in weight (not counting summer's spike) quite well.
And THEN came F'in February!
From the 31st of Jan everything has seemingly gone to the dogs. I'm averaging an extra 200+ cals vs jan, with the numbers steadily growing. Oh, and I'm not exercising.
First, I get sick on the 1st; too icky and stuffed up to even *think* about cardio (I even took the elevator instead of the stairs for a couple days).
I'm doing calorie cycling, and since I'm leaving and a lot of friends want to do going away eating out lunch/dinners I've planned the high, low and med days appropriately. Feb 1st was my 'high' day, and I was right on track. 2nd was a medium, and it too was okay. the 3rd was supposed to be a med day, but gran decided to make me my favorite pierogi and load me up with them... suffice to say, it turned into a high day again, which at this point I hoped I could mitigate by shifting things around for this week. 4th, I *thought* I was going to go back on track (low day)... but the 5th (which also should have been a low) got upgraded to a medium. Still I thought I thought I could salvage the situation. 6th, I had one of said 'going away lunches'... and planned to at least keep it as a med day. And I did, until I got home and discovered that gran had bought several kinds of doughnuts for the upcoming holiday (today). I sampled said doughnuts and went over 100cals *above* a high day (above BMR*1.2). And of course, today WAS said holiday... and another going away dinner... after which I was told that I simply *can't* not eat at least one doughnut on the holiday. I ate 2, after sitting out the doughnuts all day. I *nearly* made it, but noooo. I'm so mad at myself -_-;
And all this without any exercise since the 31st (and I'm still sick n' sniffling non-stop).
I know the above has mainly to do with my control issues (which up to this point have been *fine*)... but it just feels like all Feb I can't catch a break!
Now I'm going home in a week (exactly), and fear all I'll be faced with there is a ton of friends wanting me to experience all the food I didn't have here (like mexican, korean bbq, etc).
I'm seriously panicking that everything I've worked for will be undone in a few weeks and I'll be back to square one! It took me from August until late Nov to work off the weight I gained back over last summer. Now I'm going to be home until (at least) Sept and by then I can weigh as much as I did before starting all of this... and I don't think I can deal with starting over from scratch.