Thursday, February 07, 2013
It's been 1 year since I posted any entries on this blog. I have wasted an entire year losing and gaining the same 15 pounds back at least 3 times. Ugh! That makes me sooo mad!
I wonder sometimes if I have this subliminal thing going on somewhere in the back of my head... that blocks me from achieving my weight loss goal. I lose 10 pounds, then gain it back, lose 15 and gain it back... I wonder if I just feel I don't deserve to be proud of myself?
That I don't deserve to look and feel better?
That I don't deserve to be THAT happy?
That if I got down to a healthy weight and could actually be pain free... that I wouldn't deserve it?
I wonder if I just sabotage myself subliminally ...hmmm??? I know I shouldn't. But, that doesn't stop me.
Just wondering if anyone else has felt this way??
Anyway, I got on the scale yesterday and my eyes about fell out of my head. I weighed the most I've EVER weighed. I was ashamed. I can't believe I can't just get myself together and DO THIS! I have this vision of me, having lost all the weight standing in Ireland on my fiftieth birthday. My RE-Birthday. Feeling proud and happy and taking it all in.
So, I need to figure out how NOT to sabotage myself, to see each day as a blessing and use it to be the BEST ME ever! Uh... I better do it pretty quick, too. I've only got 8 months left until I'm 50. (That can't be!!)