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Don't Know What to Do

Thursday, February 07, 2013

My day has completely flopped. My 19 year old son is still sitting on his butt doing nothing waiting for someone else to find him a job. Every time I suggest a job like McDonald's, he won't do it because, "he doesn't want to work there."

He is with a new employment agency now, but he has only met with them once since January 4th. He expects them to do everything for him. He doesn't try to do anything for himself. When I told him that his money was running out and we were not going to keep paying for him to go out for dinner or take him on anymore trips, he switched back to his swearing and flipping me the finger. Then he jumps up like he is going to hit me which he doesn't do.

I have tried threatening him. I have taken away his car and the tv. Nothing seems to motivate him. He has been this way since he was young. Yes, he has special needs, but everyone he has worked for has told me that he is very competent and doesn't pull any of the stuff with them that he does with me. I have told my husband that I am not going to keep him around here all day doing nothing.

I talked to his job coach. She said he was just supposed to look for jobs he is interested in. So I took him the laptop and said that his days would be spent searching for jobs. He says again that there are none he likes. All he wants to do is play games on Facebook and he can only use my desktop to get on Facebook. I don't know what makes him think he is more special than anyone else. Maybe because he has gotten away with this with his teachers his whole life. This was always my greatest fear when he was in school doing nothing--that they would let him graduate and I would be stuck with him on my couch.

At first I had hope when we got services for him. But, that is obviously not working. He does nothing but bully around here and, if that doesn't work, he cries. The psychologist and psychiatrist say there is absolutely nothing wrong with him. He is just used to this behavior and it is a bad habit of his. He doesn't want to change. I told my husband that he could get my son up each day and take him with him or drop him somewhere so I can get some work done around here.

All of the stress of this has completely goofed up my plan today as now I am exhausted. I don't know what to do with him. I wish the weather were better so my daughter and I could go somewhere. Instead, I think I will just lay down for a while and watch tv.

I really feel like I have posted this blog before, but it just doesn't change. I can't believe I spent the money I did to take such an ungrateful person to Las Vegas.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    emoticon Sorry I don't have anything helpful.
    1746 days ago
  • TOOBUSY035
    My heart goes out to you! I work with students with special needs, and while my students at only 10-12 years old, I do worry about what they will do after graduation. Our district is very invested on including all students with disabilities in the general curriculum that they lose sight of life skill and job training. Typical students pick these skills up on their own but students with special needs need to be explicitly taught theses skills and assisted with a job search.
    I truly hope that he will find his passion or at least a job he can look forward to going to each day.
    1747 days ago
  • JUSTME29
    i wish I had some advice for you. it sounds like he saves all his acting out for you and everyone else sees a whole different side of him. That has got to be frustrating. Maybe the two of you could see a counselor together to help find a way to moderate his behavior towards you.
    1747 days ago
    emoticon Nina...........I wouldn't know what to do either. Maybe AnJays-Journey has the answer emoticon
    1747 days ago
    Sorry to hear of your troubles with your son. I have no new suggestions. Sounds like you've tried most things. Might come down to tough love and showing him the door. emoticon
    1747 days ago
    I pray you find the tough love that works
    C... Rent ... Password the pc so he can use only for employment ... I simply cannot conceive of a son flipping any bird whatsoever without penalty. May whatever you do be fair, just and loving.
    1747 days ago
    1747 days ago
  • 4CYNDI
    1748 days ago
    Ouch, that is so hard to read. I hope you can find a way to get through this.
    1748 days ago
    Hang in there...Continue to.try to set a good example for him by exercising and reading,etc...I hope things improve for you soon.... emoticon emoticon
    1748 days ago
    My kids are in their 20's and it does get better...
    1748 days ago
    oh Nina how I feel you on this one. I am pretty much going through the same thing with my son. He quit his job a few months ago and it seems it is taking him forever to find a new one. He is only taking one class now too so pretty much playing around. I only give him $20 in his acct. now at a time so that he has gas money but little else. It is so hard though. Good luck in this!! Mine tells me he has a job but it won't start for another week or so. we will see!! Have a good day!
    1748 days ago
    Oh this is such a hard place to be, we were there with our son not so long ago, then we pulled everything from him, no money no car rides no nothing, at first he hermenated in his room for months the only time we saw him was when he was yelling and swearing at us, then he went out and got a job at Tim Hortons, the deal was he would pay rent $300 a month and he would cycle unless raining, he loved working at Timmies and enjoyed the cycle, every 2 wks he would give us 1/2 rent. When we moved to Nova Scotia he is now in college and has been accepted for a 2 year course for computer aided design mechanical. What seemed impossible 5 years ago has turned around. Yes he still flips out at us, yelling and swearing at times, but usually when he is frustrated. Hang in there, I know how tough it is, but prayerfully he will turn around also!!!
    1748 days ago

    Comment edited on: 2/7/2013 2:16:28 PM
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