My dear brother shared with me my sister-in-laws final moments, too sacred to speak of except that I will say a few moments before passing, she saw her "Mommy" and called out to her three times.
I was reminded of a dream I had just a little while before I went in to have my kidney removed for cancer, three years ago. I was sitting in a large waiting room, like a church auditorium, lined with hard metal fold up chairs like you see set up for people who have come for a dance. I was waiting for a nurse to call my name.
Several others were called before and I was anxious to get it it over with. I seemed to know that those who were called would not be coming back. As I sat there on that hard chair, Mother came and sat down beside me and put her arm around my shoulder.
She didn't say a word, but just sat with me until I was called. My name was finally spoken and I walked through the door not knowing what to expect and I woke up.
I was reminded upon awakening, of the scripture in Isaiah 66:13, "As one whom his mother comforteth, so will I comfort you; and ye shall be comforted in Jerusalem." I knew the Lord was telling me just as my own mother who loves me so much and was watching out for me, so too Jesus is and does and I was to accept His comfort as well. I seemed to know I would be OK no matter what.
I knew the "hard chairs" only represented the difficulty of what I was going through. I never associated the auditorium with dancing until now. We all are learning to "dance" with the Lord. He told me one time, years before "let's tango". Shortly thereafter I read a Guideposts article about learning to dance with God. I wish I could find it again. It think it was in a 1996 magazine when we lived in Manti at the time. It could have been earlier.
At any rate, waltzing is easy compared to the Tango. I needed to learn the waltz first . I had to learn how to follow instead of lead. The tango is more difficult. My experience with cancer a second time around was only practice with the steps I could never seem to get just right.
I am however reminded, "practice makes perfect" and I have had to go through many health problems in order to learn how to "let go and let God deal with my wayward family members as well as with my adverse financial circumstances. Being up tight all the time, trying to figure out the next step, when I hadn't mastered the first steps well, only prolonged the agony of ill health exacerbated by eating wrong and too much, yo yo dieting, losing and gaining.
It was not my physical weight that held me bound to my unrest as I thought. Getting rid of the lies that held me bound to my self defeating behaviours was hard to get right, one of which was, as I stated in my last blog, it is not my job to change anyone else's heart, however subtly I try to do it for my own peace of mind. That task belongs to the Lord. It is His work and His glory to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man. My only task was and is to follow Him and love others unconditionally. He will lead out. I must follow. I needed to stop counseling the Lord and learn to take counsel from His hand. I might need to go to the left and speak up or the right and keep my mouth closed, but He will do the leading.
With all my challenges, I am only learning to dance with the Lord.
And when my name is called and I pass through that door, it is my sincere prayer that Jesus will tell me of my well learned dance steps, "Well done thou good and faithful servant,..... enter thou into the joy of thy reward."
Since that dream, and after I had the operation and numerous other problems, I read this wonderful poem entitled "Dancing With God". I loved it and know you will too.
I am giving you the web page so you can read it from there. Love you all immensely.