I really love popcorn. It's a staple, just like oatmeal and apples. I especially love that horrid, calorie laden movie popcorn, which I indulge in about 4 times a year.
Last night, I went to see Warm Bodies with DH. I let him know that I had tracked my popcorn. At lunch, I ended up having crab and an orange. I talked to him about the carbs and fat in non-buttered movie popcorn and that it was the non-buttered that I had tracked. I could not have been more clear about this without tattoo ink being involved.
At the theater, we always share a bag. He decided HE wanted butter, so he got it layered.
Of course, I ate it. But I was angry and couldn't wait for the movie to end. I fumed in silence and when we got home, I had a tummy ache so the rest of the night was spent in separate rooms ( mine was the bathroom).
I have tried talking to my saboteur...till I'm blue in the face. When he leaves on business, I loose weight. When he comes home, I gain weight. He knows this. Out of the first 10 weeks this year, this week is the only week he will be home. If we fight, it is the equivalent to fighting for two months solid. He claims to want a thin wife, but I'm thinking maybe he wants a DIFFERENT wife, either that or he is lying to himself. And yes, I have told him this too.
Divorce is not a door I'm going to go through. You don't stay married for 24 years by throwing in the towel every time something goes wrong.
So this is what I have decided.
He didn't put the popcorn in my mouth. I did that. I could have just got up, walked to the concession stand and got a non-buttered kids popcorn. I didn't do that. I only thought about it afterwards.
He is who he is. The only time you can change a man is when they are in diapers.
I need to be who I need to be.
This morning, I'm right back on track. I still feel "greasy" from the popcorn. I actually weight less from spending the night in the loo. ( Not recommended!)
The thought of popcorn makes me queasy.
Yes, he sabotaged my efforts, but I fell for it. It was MY responsibility to say No, and I didn't.
I'm not going to beat myself up over it. I'm going to learn from it.
Next time, and realistically, there will be a next time, we will get separate popcorn. It will cost him more money. It will cost me less anger.
I am the boss of me.