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You would think...

Thursday, February 07, 2013

that after LAST week, this week would be "a breeze". But truth to tell, in many of us, the "BIG" things we gear up for, and are strong, and the let down comes later. So, with my son's return (joyous) and my sister in law's funeral (sad, but closure) over with, I was hoping for a quiet "let down" week.

It has been far from quiet. The big project kicked off (blog entry Tuesday). One of the "favors" I did for someone blew up in my face. It's like I was starting to take the armor off and somebody yelled "Incoming!" Back into high stress mode.

And my emotional response was "ANGRY". "Not fair!" "I'm supposed to get a break from stress for a bit, OK, God?" I've run on the treadmill, stuck to my training plan, and still, the least little thing brings it back. I've tried to remember to breathe. My pep talk helped, but it has not completely dissipated. An apology from the party who blew up on me over the favor helped quite a bit. Two people stepping in to fix the discrepancy, even more.

Used to be, in the "bad old days" of my heaviest... I'd get mad at the boss at work, go home and devour a full bag of chips, a pound tub of sour cream dip, and 2 liters of diet soda... all to put the anger to rest. Only it never did put the anger to rest. Just changed it into self-anger at my eating behavior and the results on the scale.

This week, so far, I have succeeded in avoiding THAT response. But I'm still working out how to deal with the anger, the fear of "losing it" in an inappropriate way, and the fear of failure to do what I expect of myself... which is, pull off miracles at work.

Sounds pretty unrealistic and silly when I put it down in writing. Nobody does miracles. We take risks, we get lucky, but we aren't doing miracles. We're prioritizing. It's not a miracle when it works. The fear is that it is just not achievable.

This morning, I am taking time to recognize I've done pretty well with talking myself out of the urges to soothe with food. I've said "no" to some things, and substituted healthier comfort food (the cabbage last night).

I still don't like feeling angry. I doesn't feel like the me I want to be. But I have accepted that there are times when angry gets things done. It gets people out of my face when I use my words and not the food: when I actually tell someone I'm angry and why... it's better.

So, my friends... LIFE is good. Stress is a part of it. Mouths are to be used (intelligently) for more than eating. Brains are to be engaged. We can do this. Just for today. emoticon
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DEBRITA01 2/8/2013 9:38AM

    Finding out how to deal with the anger, when we no longer direct it inward, is a challenge....but it's good to remember that there aren't enough chips & dip in the world to make it better. Also, remembering that we can use our voice and that we don't have to shoulder the responsibility for pulling off miracles will help alleviate some of the anger and resentment. Wishing you all the best as you navigate through a challenging period...I know you can do it. Keep remembering that line in the sand... emoticon

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OVERWORKEDJANET 2/8/2013 5:45AM

    You hit a few things on the head for me today.

I see your before picture and pretty much that's where I'm at right now.

The "inside your brain" peak is exactly how I feel right now.

Except for the excessive sweating, knee pounding, back wrenching exercises you do, that's where I want to be in the future.

Another aha moment at the docs today with fasting glucose.

You'd think it's a no-brainer...but it's not.

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PATRICIAAK 2/7/2013 10:10PM

    glad you found blogging is healthier then junk food.

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KARIDIAN1 2/7/2013 9:09PM

    Seems the stress never ends at work. Something new always comes up just before we can finish the current buzz word project. Would love to have the time and resources to actually do more than a lick and a promise when someone at corporate dreams these things up. These little "training" and signoffs all take time and are in addition to our regular duties.

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_LINDA 2/7/2013 7:05PM

    Way to go coping with the stress!!! Nothing worse then an injustice -so glad it was apologized for and that others stepped in to help -not a totally ignorant workplace apparently.. So sorry you have to deal with landmines like this. Emotional eating is so very hard to stay away from, its much easier to cave then to go workout. But workouts provide those feel good endorphins whereas overeating just makes you feel bloated and uncomfortable. Keep on venting and blogging, release your anger here and on the treadmill. You can get through this. That intelligent mind and strong will of yours will keep the EE monster in its cage!
You go girl!!

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GABY1948 2/7/2013 4:00PM

    Barb, you seem to be doing really well, to me. Blogging suits you, it doesn't me and I wish it did. Some of these answers are awesome...loved Nell's and Marsha's (MSLZZY). Keep pushing hard...each day you are one farther from turning that anger inward on yourself and one day it will just be the "natural" thing you do! emoticon

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LESLIELENORE 2/7/2013 1:41PM

    Let down can be just as stressful!

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MSLZZY 2/7/2013 10:00AM

    One of the most natural and uncontrollable
responses can be anger, at others or at oneself.
It takes a lot of effort to take a deep breath and
walk away. The anger can sit there and simmer
until you find a way to disarm it. Continue to
handle the stress and anger in ways that work
for you. Today is another day. Make it a good one!

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4A-HEALTHY-BMI 2/7/2013 9:35AM

    Cardio helps me when I'm angry. A lot of the icky badness inside seems to dissipate some.

Good job sticking with your program, and hang in there. Structure your environment so you won't have to rely on will power, because as you know, that can grow awfully thin!

emoticon

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MEXGAL1 2/7/2013 9:21AM

    we sure do eat for so many of the wrong reasons. It is funny too how when we do that it really only makes us feel worst.
Hang in there and be strong.
Have a terrific day.
Sallie

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LINDAKAY228 2/7/2013 8:53AM

    Anger can be a double-edged sword. I've done exacly what you used to do so many times. I hate feeling angry. At the same time if no one every got angry, nothing would change. Anger at injustices brings change. Angry enough to speak up for yourself is good, the trick is to do it in an appropriate manner. Too often we try to avoid it and stuff it with food. At least I have. I am trying to learn to work with anger. To recognize if it's something silly I'm angry over or is it something I need to act on to bring change to myself, or to relationships, or to the world in general. An if so, how am I going to address it. It's an ongoing learning process. You should be so proud of yourself for not turning to the old ways to deal with it. You're learning and growing all the time!

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NELLJONES 2/7/2013 8:41AM

    Ever notice how "anger management'" programs deal with directing anger at others but never about the danger or directing anger on yourself? I guess they figure that with both the complainant and the source being the same person it isn't a problem, but some of us know better. There are idiots amongst us, though, and we all have to deal with them. Get rid of one and another seems to pop up. Keep sharing, you are not alone. Blogging and talking are calorie free.

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KALIGIRL 2/7/2013 8:27AM

    Anger is a complex emotion and a necessary part of life, but as usual you are handling it head on with your personal aplomb. Interesting brochure @ http://www.apa.org/topics/anger/con
trol.aspx might offet some insight.

Here's to breathing DEEPLY.
Namaste my friend
emoticon

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1CRAZYDOG 2/7/2013 8:25AM

    Oh my dear, angry CAN be a motivator as long as it's not turned inward . . . like self-destructive eating. It is a human emotion and it takes time to get over it. And it sounds like you're working on that. It's too bad that thigs happen which cause us to feel that emotion, but IMHO, it's good to express it vs. internalizing it and going into self-destruct mode.

How did your son like the house?? When do they move in (or have they??)

HUGS

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HEALTHY4ME 2/7/2013 8:14AM

    HUGs and you can do this.. your work sounds so stressful so glad you are finding ways to not eat it all! Have a great day.

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BROOKLYN_BORN 2/7/2013 8:13AM

    First, congratulations on saying no to the bad food.
I can relate since I once came home from work and ate an entire apple pie.

Regarding anger: When my unreasonable, demanding boss left, I asked him why he always gave me the most impossible tasks. His response - because you always got them done. That taught me a lesson. You don't want to get fired and you have to choose your battles and your responses carefully, but sometimes you just have to say no, not only to the food, but to the cause of the stress.

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