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    KIMBERLYJA1   21,276
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Getting in my way

Wednesday, February 06, 2013

What stopped me today? I was soooo snacky at dinner time. I popped open a beer, a regular one, even though I had light beer waiting right there too! Is there some kind of weird fear of success that I am experiencing? Or is it just virtue fatigue--I just needed to be bad? Strange, when I have a nice night planned on Friday, with friends and a single perfect piece of pizza and a nice glass of wine. Strange too, knowing that I've lost more than a pound this week and it shouldn't be too hard to keep that success going. Does anyone else know how it feels to start doing well and then panic, because I think to myself that there is no possible way that I can continue to do so well, so I had better take a break from doing so well right now, because I never know when I am going to have a chance to indulge again, if I'm being virtuous? Does that make any sense at all? Self-sabotage!

So I am a tiny bit over my calorie range today, and planning a killer workout tomorrow morning to make up for it. It's not punishment, I swear. I just want to have a good weigh in on Friday morning to end the week well!

How about this: the next time I catch myself doing well, and then I feel the urge to stop doing well just because it scares me, I will see how long I can continue doing really well for--I will try a spark streak. I've never done that before. Wish me luck. When can I start? How about tomorrow?

Further thoughts: success isn't magic. This is only going to happen one way. Dedication, determination, willpower, self-control. And humour. And forgiveness, and reasonable goals. But mostly dedication! And encouragement! Go go go!

Okay I feel better. I am still me. I am just shooting to be a little bit of a smaller "me!"
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