Wednesday, February 06, 2013
When I lost weight with SP I got down the 58kg (127lb ish) - which was a super low weight for me. I then set this arbitrary maintenance range of 58-60kg (127 to 132lb) which I maintained for almost a year . . . when I decided that I had developed disordered eating behaviours - and wanted to try intuitive eating.
- Thinking about food ALL the time.
- Living the healthy life, but feeling I was 'white knuckling" it (not feeling relaxed and normal about it)
- Bingeing fairly regularly - often on multiple bowls of breakfast cereal. (This bothered me - if I decided to go to a cafe and buy a slice of double chocolate mud gateaux and a side of ice-cream and enjoy every last mouthful, that would be understandable . . . but breakfast cereal?)
- Coming to the realisation that maybe I did not want to be 58kgs enough. Maybe maintaining at 58kgs would mean I would always have to obsess about food. 58kgs was low for me - my ribs would show above my breasts. Maybe my body was fighting me at 58kgs - wanting to put some weight back on.
- I wont hide it - my weight is hovering at about 60-60.5 (132-133lbs). I have gained weight.
- My BMI is around 20-20.5. Perfectly acceptable.
- Unfortunately the weight seems to be mainly on my tummy. The ribs have a better cover as well - but I am not thrilled with my tummy.
- I am becoming much more aware of what I feel like eating - and more often I am eating accordingly. Mostly it is healthy - but when it is not, or I eat too much, I am much more aware of feeling sluggish as a result. This is a great driver for improved habits.
- I still sometimes have a bowl of cereal when I shouldn't. Other times though I can look at what I really want - and take a break, have a coffee, address the emotional driver. As this improves, the bingeing is definitely reducing.
- Working on my emotional state is key - and looking for food substitutes. Food is often key in providing comfort, showing love, celebrating, commiserating etc etc. Many times there is another way we can do this.
- One of my SPfriends talks of being a treat snob - and I totally agree. If I am honest, I find some of the traditional 'treat' foods not remotely satisfying. Homemade, real, high quality - over long shelf life, cheap, fake.
- I am continuing to monitor my weight - because I don't want my weight to keep increasing, but at the moment I feel like I am in a good place.
Overall - things are going well. Getting my life back!