Wednesday, February 06, 2013
I've been at a loss to describe how I feel about all of this. I always thought I was fat. I was always the chubby girl. Looking back on it now, well I would love to be the weight I was when I was 20. At one time in my 20's I was relatively healthy. I could run a few miles and I would exercise regularly. Still, I always struggled with the weight. I gave birth to four little people and my body drastically changed. I always loved junk food and I always figured I could always start exercising later. The infinite later. Later when I have more time. Later when I'm not so tired. Later when my kids get older. Later...
Later is here. I went to the doctor on Monday and my blood pressure was in the prehypertension range. WHAT? Yes, I'm 32 and I have been checking my blood pressure now and it turns out I have high blood pressure. Apparently, that is what has been causing my headaches that have lasted for days at a time and has left me feeling like crap. I read the numbers off of that little machine, and when the nurse left me to wait for the doctor, I sobbed. How has it come to this? I was healthy and now look at me! I know heart disease, stroke, and heart attacks run marathons in my family. I feel guilty. How can I honestly say I love my children when I am killing their mother? I feel afraid that my body is going to scream "SCREW YOU" before I have a chance to heal it and ask for forgiveness. I'm in disbelief because I have always had low blood pressure until a couple months ago. I thought I wouldn't have to worry about this until I was at least in my 40's.
So friends, it's time to pull up the big girl panties. I HAVE TO walk past the maple bars at the coffee shop and the Oreos at the grocery store. If I love my children, I HAVE to get out there and exercise. I HAVE TO drink that vegetable and fruit juice. I HAVE TO make this a lifelong commitment. I've never been one to give up easily. I refuse to just take it as it is now.