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Phantom Photo Fat

Wednesday, February 06, 2013

I got stuck in front of the "fat" mirror last night in a dance class...you know, when the mirror isn't installed flush with the wall and the angle is exactly correct for adding 15 pounds in all the wrong places?

After that, I went out salsa dancing with a friend and got snapped in a photo by the DJ. Having had a "fat" night earlier I was dreading seeing the photo...and struggled to identify myself in the dim club lighting.

I mean, I panicked trying to find myself in this photo on facebook.

First, I picked out a blurry girl who was dancing with someone who has my friend's hairstyle...but I could tell she wasn't wearing the right shoes.

Next I spent several hours convinced that I was the triple-chinned, wide-armed silhouette on the left side of the picture. I opened and closed the picture a dozen times trying to see if it was me.

Finally, I looked more clearly and found myself over near the right edge of the image. I looked...normal. Not perfect, but with surprisingly toned-looking shoulders in the weird club lights. Not magically fat. Just like I look every day in the mirror at home.

I don't have a conclusion about why I was so afraid to see the photo...but I was glad I finally saw it the right way. Where did the feared phantom photo fat come from? How did the fear get so big?
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • HHB4181
    sometimes inside of our heads is crazy place emoticon
    1811 days ago
    I think it happens when we have thought for so many years that we are fat- that even when we get fit it's hard to see it and it's scary to look. I hate looking at pics of myself- I am my own worst critic. It takes a long time to get over what we have convinced ourself that we are- all those negative things. I once heard it takes 1000 positive comments to undue ONE negative. So how many times have we told ourselves that we are fat, or unattractive, or whatever? It'll take a million times of telling ourselves that we are beautiful to even begin to erase the damage we have to ourselves.
    1812 days ago
    fear = false evidence appearing real
    1812 days ago
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