Wednesday, February 06, 2013
I got stuck in front of the "fat" mirror last night in a dance class...you know, when the mirror isn't installed flush with the wall and the angle is exactly correct for adding 15 pounds in all the wrong places?
After that, I went out salsa dancing with a friend and got snapped in a photo by the DJ. Having had a "fat" night earlier I was dreading seeing the photo...and struggled to identify myself in the dim club lighting.
I mean, I panicked trying to find myself in this photo on facebook.
First, I picked out a blurry girl who was dancing with someone who has my friend's hairstyle...but I could tell she wasn't wearing the right shoes.
Next I spent several hours convinced that I was the triple-chinned, wide-armed silhouette on the left side of the picture. I opened and closed the picture a dozen times trying to see if it was me.
Finally, I looked more clearly and found myself over near the right edge of the image. I looked...normal. Not perfect, but with surprisingly toned-looking shoulders in the weird club lights. Not magically fat. Just like I look every day in the mirror at home.
I don't have a conclusion about why I was so afraid to see the photo...but I was glad I finally saw it the right way. Where did the feared phantom photo fat come from? How did the fear get so big?