There are things that I do out of defiance of healthy living, bingeing is one of them.

And then there are the ones that I do just because I'm not paying attention. Which usually results in what happened today.

I had company over this past weekend, and last week, I worked hard to get the house clean. Then Saturday night was a late night, and from Saturday to Monday, there was a family issue that kept my stress levels up a bit. Monday night was GriefShare, and although I had booked off til 9am Tuesday, I didn't get enough sleep. Yesterday, I did Shred Level 2 for the first time since summer.

Today, I had a meeting at 9 and another one at 10. At both of them, I could barely spit out full sentences. I struggled, but my mind just felt so foggy, like I couldn't string those pieces together.

This afternoon, someone was going over topics on a project I'm working on, and the more he talked, the less I could retain. When I got back to my desk, I felt the tears of frustration start. (I'm thankful for being in a corner cubicle, no one could see me.) It took me 20 mins to find the energy to message a friend in the office, asking for her help. I couldn't even tell her via text what was going on. We talked for about 10 mins, which helped me calm down enough to find energy to leave the office. I didn't make it to the end of the day.

The reasons:

1) I'm overtired from everything since last Monday.
2) I miss My Guy for reminding me not to overdo it, so I don't get like this.

I'm to the point I don't give a whit about my job. I just don't care. And I know that stems from grief. Knowing doesn't help right now, though.