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WAYSOFGRACE
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Being honest

Wednesday, February 06, 2013

Today my status has an inspirational quote that I can wholeheartedly agree with. I would rather you hate me for being honest, than to love me for lying to you. That applies to more than just how I treat other people. It applies to how I treat myself.

It's incredibly hard to be brutally honest with ourselves. Human nature tends towards self deprication in people like me who have been what is termed "outside the norm". I wore glasses as a kid and was called four eyes. I was very tall for my age in school, and was called a freak. I was 5-10 pounds overweight and was called fat. Over time, it becomes easier to believe the bad things than it is to believe the good in ourselves.

As an adult, friends told me I looked good. That is didn't show I was overweight because I was so tall. No one cared that I was wearing glasses so big my cheeks could see. That didn't help me. Those "lies" helped me to hide the truth from myself. I was overweight. I was unhealthy. I was endangering myself. It was enabling to my bad habits. It had to stop.

When I started this journey, I never wanted pictures taken of me. I only used the medicine cabinet mirror in order to pin up my hair. I didn't want to see my full blown self as I was...a morbidly obese woman who was killing herself with fast food, laziness and junk. Brutally honest, aren't I? I don't hide from who I was anymore, nor do I hide from who I am now.

I am a woman on a journey. I look in the mirror alot more often. I see how the changes I have made to be a healthier person are changing how the world sees me. I hold my head high. I have pride. Do I still have days when I say to myself "I can't wear this shirt. I makes me look fat."? Sure. I usually counter that statement now with "You ARE fat, lady, but you're doing something about it." This is me, right here, right now. Why am I hiding from myself when the world can see me?

I have found the tools to turn my life around. I am no longer waiting to live. I am living right now. There isn't a single good reason to wait to do something tomorrow that I could do today. I stopped doing many things I loved because I was waiting until I was thinner, but there was no reason for it. It's just as much fun to dance now as it will be when I am healthier, so why am I waiting?

I waited far too long to reach this point. I'm not waiting anymore.
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