Wednesday, February 06, 2013
In the days after my parents death, I spent most of my time with my dog. Tippy is was a Chihuahua but more than that she was the most loyal being I knew. She didnt leave my side, when I cried she cried, when i laughed she laughed, As funny as it sounds I wouldnt have gotten through that time without her.
If you were to ask what few people I actually call friend they would tell you that I am loyal. Faithful to them but is that accurate description if I ask myself. Am I as loyal to myself? After some soul searching I can tell you yes I am.
It took me a long time to get to that point of being loyal or faithful to myself. I have come to terms with my past and I have forgiven myself for allowing the world to treat me the way it did. I have finally decided that I deserve to have at least one person in the world that will make sure that I am taken care of in every aspect in whatever I need. That person is me. I get up every morning and tell myself in some way that I am worth whatever I put out that day to make me better person.
When you take on the task of loosing 200 pounds, if you want success then you better become loyal to yourself because the rest of the world will seem kinda insane at time because they will never know what it really takes to be loyal to this process. It is also counter productive to continue to hate yourself and try to make yourself whole and new. I firmly believe that before the world can love you .. you must love yourself enough to defend yourself against the world.
Last night I held a conversation about a picture I had taken yesterday . I have tried to learn to love pictures of me but I am not there yet but I have come a long way. There is a morbid curiosity on my part with them. For me it is important that the pictures change, so I can see the difference in them after 87 pounds gone. so I made this thing I think you can tell the difference lol.