Wednesday, February 06, 2013
Today has been a little bit of a roller coaster, even though I like the mechanical ones I don't like the mind game ones. I woke up today feeling alot less sore than I was yesterday which made me happy, very happy! so I put on my scrub pants and I felt like (even though they are kind of stretchy) they fit better so I immediately start feeling like the skinny girl I know I am inside.
I felt amazing the majority of the day, I even caught a glimpse of myself in the bathroom mirror at school and thought my arms looked more defined! Now i am super pumped and walking around like I'm a fitness superstar or something which really felt good, like its who I'm MEANT to walk around like and feel. I get to the gym throw on my pink shirt and stretchy pants and hit the eliptical. Yet again i make 40 minues and im even keeping a pace of 175-180 which is just another victory for me!
I am now at an all time high! I am happy and sweaty, which means I must go home and shower. So I get home and i take my sweaty gym clothes off and look in the mirror.... fat. I see the same thing that I would have probably 2 months ago, there goes my all time high...
I am having a very hard time with this mirror and perception disconnect of myself, I feel like I should be avoiding my nude self in mirrors altogether because it just disappoints me. Why do the mirrors in the school bathroom with my scrubs on show me something different than when I'm at home and about to take a shower in my own bathroom? Why does it feel like I've done nothing when I have been doing cardio 7 days a week and eating like a healthy machine?
I know that my body is healthier than it was yesterday, but how come the mirrors make me feel so... unfit and unhealthy?