Tuesday, February 05, 2013
Well I'm slowly trucking along. I gained this last week, but that's because I had yet to start tracking, so I was eating everything, and I was waiting till February to start working out. I know excuse, excuse. But I realized something, I was reading over my journal entries from the past few months, and they were all the same. I really mean it I'm starting fresh this time... I'm going to start working out again.... I won't snack at night anymore.... I gained 5... It was the same thing over and over again. I need to stop talking and just start doing! I know what I need to do, watch what I eat, track it, don't snack at night, work out. So why do I keep sabotaging myself? What am I hiding from? What is it that I am trying to protect myself from under this layer of excess fat? Why am I scared of reaching my goal? Could it be that I feel that once I make "goal" there is nothing left for me to do? That I will no longer have a goal I need to achieve, so I have nothing? I need to step up be strong, and do this already. I can make this a reality. I think because I've failed so many times before I feel this will be no different. I'm just destined to be old and fat. But that's really not what I want. I want a healthy relationship with food and my body, and right now I can't say I have that. I need to believe to achieve. I know my body needs and wants a change, and I deserve it. I'm not looking to be model thin, I know that's not me, what I do want is to feel healthy and happy in my skin. I know it's as much a mindset as a lifestyle change. I am so ready to make the changes I need to succeed. I took my measurements (scary) and I printed out a new weight loss graph chart, starting this month. So I'm going to make this happen. So far so good. I'll just keep trucking along. I need to be OK if it takes a while, a pound a week loss, is still a loss, not a gain. That's the long term goal, it shouldn't matter how long it takes. I just have to take the journey.