Tuesday, February 05, 2013
I ask this question after pondering how some people can fit in so many fitness minutes in one day. But, then I find myself feeling guilty if I only get 60 minutes in! I think that may be a bit crazy. I fit it all in around my PT jobs. This is actual workout time, not just every day activity. I do a little work and then do a Leslie Samsone 12 minute mile. I go teach for a couple hours and then go to Curves before coming home. I go to the Y and take a water aerobics class, come home and get on the computer. Then I feel guilty for "just" 60 minutes and even worse for "just" 30 minutes! That's crazy, right?
Also, with that much exercise, why am I not a stick? Why aren't the pounds just running scared off my sweaty body?
OK, so I don't eat perfectly all the time, but at this point I am eating well at least 80% and even more of the time. So, why are these pounds hanging on so dearly to my voluptuous body? Hmmmm?
I get all wrapped up in my challenges and want to help my teams by getting all the minutes of fitness I can and then feel guilty, truly guilty when I only get 50 or 60 minutes in! I'm thinking that is crazy. I don't know.
I know right now my work ethic is suffering. I'm exercising instead of working sometimes or napping instead of working so then I feel I have to make up my exercise minutes and then work suffers. I'm finding it so hard to focus and commit to my job right now. I know it is the depression, but can't seem to pull out of it and commit. I'm commited to my teams here. I'm commited to my fitness. I'm even more commited to my healthy diet than I am to work. Most of you know how I struggled to return to work following my mom's death and the holidays. Work started out good and I am happy with my classes and all, but still finding it so hard to actually sit down and do the work that is required from home. I'm teaching 4 classes. 2 online and 2 on campus. Even though I dread it each day I do go in and teach my online classes and then it is like I just shut down. My online classes are suffering. I keep trying, but I am not giving it my good ol' strong work ethic that I have in the past. I don't like that. I believe in doing the best job always. Not perfect, but giving my classes my attention and my timely responses and feedback. This is sad because it makes me more depressed that depression is keeping me from my usual work ethic. Ah.
Maybe spelling it all out here will help me commit more and get back to work! I'm just wondering if there is something seriously wrong with me that I feel bad when I don't get more than 60 minutes of exercise in and that I can't seem to give my job my attention it deserves. I'm on increased meds for the depression. I'm exercising as I've said. I'm sleeping well at night and then sometimes even during the day. What more can I do to shake the blues? Funny thing there too.... I'm a depressed person. Yet, I'm an optimist. I see bright sides to most everything. It just kinda depresses me that I am depressed at all! Yikes!