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    JAXMOMMY   152,475
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Is Something Wrong With Me?

Tuesday, February 05, 2013

I ask this question after pondering how some people can fit in so many fitness minutes in one day. But, then I find myself feeling guilty if I only get 60 minutes in! I think that may be a bit crazy. I fit it all in around my PT jobs. This is actual workout time, not just every day activity. I do a little work and then do a Leslie Samsone 12 minute mile. I go teach for a couple hours and then go to Curves before coming home. I go to the Y and take a water aerobics class, come home and get on the computer. Then I feel guilty for "just" 60 minutes and even worse for "just" 30 minutes! That's crazy, right?

Also, with that much exercise, why am I not a stick? Why aren't the pounds just running scared off my sweaty body?

OK, so I don't eat perfectly all the time, but at this point I am eating well at least 80% and even more of the time. So, why are these pounds hanging on so dearly to my voluptuous body? Hmmmm?

I get all wrapped up in my challenges and want to help my teams by getting all the minutes of fitness I can and then feel guilty, truly guilty when I only get 50 or 60 minutes in! I'm thinking that is crazy. I don't know.

I know right now my work ethic is suffering. I'm exercising instead of working sometimes or napping instead of working so then I feel I have to make up my exercise minutes and then work suffers. I'm finding it so hard to focus and commit to my job right now. I know it is the depression, but can't seem to pull out of it and commit. I'm commited to my teams here. I'm commited to my fitness. I'm even more commited to my healthy diet than I am to work. Most of you know how I struggled to return to work following my mom's death and the holidays. Work started out good and I am happy with my classes and all, but still finding it so hard to actually sit down and do the work that is required from home. I'm teaching 4 classes. 2 online and 2 on campus. Even though I dread it each day I do go in and teach my online classes and then it is like I just shut down. My online classes are suffering. I keep trying, but I am not giving it my good ol' strong work ethic that I have in the past. I don't like that. I believe in doing the best job always. Not perfect, but giving my classes my attention and my timely responses and feedback. This is sad because it makes me more depressed that depression is keeping me from my usual work ethic. Ah.

Maybe spelling it all out here will help me commit more and get back to work! I'm just wondering if there is something seriously wrong with me that I feel bad when I don't get more than 60 minutes of exercise in and that I can't seem to give my job my attention it deserves. I'm on increased meds for the depression. I'm exercising as I've said. I'm sleeping well at night and then sometimes even during the day. What more can I do to shake the blues? Funny thing there too.... I'm a depressed person. Yet, I'm an optimist. I see bright sides to most everything. It just kinda depresses me that I am depressed at all! Yikes!
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LINDAF49 2/6/2013 7:04PM

    Oh sweet girl...do not compare yourself with other...maybe you need to read more of the tidbits from ones like me that are thrilled - yes proud - with seven minutes...yes JUST 7 on the seated elliptical and I am praising the Lord I can do it and no muscle spasms...goal of 3000 steps on a pedometer in activities of daily living because that is huge for me....I pray that I don't drag a team down with my small amounts but that is where I am able and I am thankful ...You are not weird...Just count your blessings, do what you know is healthy for you and be proud of your good job!!

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HI-NRG 2/6/2013 6:43PM

    Melissa,
Please don't compare yourself to others. You only need to worry about you. I remember the Fall Challenge and I was mystified how people could get in 120mins a day. I actually became obsessed with trying to be in the top ten of the team even though I could tell I would never be #1. At the time the competition helped keep me going but this time I am not going to lose any sleep over how I compare with the other members. I need to do this for me and be the best I can be. My focus needs to be more long term, not where my name appears on the list.
Looking forward to our "trip".
-donna

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DIVINEPRINCESS 2/6/2013 4:18PM

    No, dear Melissa. There is nothing wrong with you. You are fearfully and wonderfully made by our Father, and His works are all good.

Sounds like you still need to grieve your mother's passing. So go ahead and give yourself permission to do so....however it looks, however long it takes.

And what I'm learning is that I don't need to compare myself to anyone else in any situation. There is only one me, so who can I compare me to? Same is true for you. There's only one Melissa, and I'm proud to call her friend, but there's only one of her so I can't compare her to another Melissa. There isn't one!

I sometimes wonder how people can do 300 fitness minutes in a day (okay, I'm exaggerating to make a point) but I don't know what they're including as fitness minutes. Like you, I only include actual structured workouts, not every trip I make up and down the stairs, or mopping the floor or raking the leaves. I try to do those things because it's good for my heart and overall fitness, but I don't track them. And there could be some folks who are obsessed with exercise and spend 4-5 hours in a gym. I'm not one of them--and wouldn't like to meet one of them--but they might actually exist.

Point is - it's YOUR lifestyle, YOUR fitness program, YOUR health. If your goal was do 30 minutes of structured fitness four days a week...that's the only measurement you need be concerned with. I work out 5 days a week for 60 minutes a clip, who cares? That doesn't make me better than you, and it doesn't make you less than me.

Ease up on my friend, Melissa, okay? On any given day, she is a HUGE inspiration to me in EVERYTHING she does.

Again, my condolences on your mother's passing. That's a tough loss. Grieve it. Mourn her passing. Honor her memory. For as long as you need to. You will eventually get to a better place and remember her with more smiles than tears...and your work ethic will be back on track.

I love you!

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BIGPAWSUP 2/6/2013 3:14PM

    Ok, I'm just coming out of mine so I'm here for you! Maybe use fitness as a reward for getting your class work done? Also, as you have told be probably 100 times by now, you do what you can. No one expects you to carry your team. Do you 60 and be done.

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TANYA602 2/6/2013 9:26AM

    I think we go thru these phases and I know that as I read a post and see that someone else did so much more than me then I feel the same way. YOU are doing so much more than me some days! You really do get the variety in with your Curves and water aerobics and so much more!

I read "Master Your Metabolism" by Jillian Michaels and got a clear picture about how what we eat really does effect how our bodies respond to the number of minutes we workout. So many of the replies before me have the same advice - you need to know what works best for your body, and that you and I and everyone else are different. NOW, that said, I do have to admit that I have fallen victim to that same "guilt" - am I too focused on what I am doing with fitness and trying to lose weight, and not giving my classes and students my full efforts? Yikes. I feel like this is the year that it's about me - not about them. Is that a bad thing? I don't think we can get upset over this, but I do think we need to maintain a healthy balance, and remember that balance with our spouses, as well.

I'm always here to cheer you on, girl! You are my Princess Slim Groovy and you ROCK!

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SKINNYSTRUMMER 2/6/2013 9:18AM

    Likely this depression is still connected to you losing your mom. Try to be gentle and accepting of yourself. Give yourself permission to do what feels right, and what exercise you can fit in. There is nothing wrong that time and live won't heal.

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ROXYZMOM 2/6/2013 6:48AM

    You are dedicating plenty of time to exercise. I wish I could exercise as much as you do.

It sounds more like you are burned out from work. You may want to change it up a bit - teach different classes Ot revamp your lesson plans? Maybe take a class yourself?

I have to change what I am doing at work every once in a while.

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DARKCHILD 2/6/2013 6:31AM

    Melissa, I use to be the same way, comparing how many minutes of exercise I get in each day/month to what everyone else was doing, or how many days I worked out compared to everyone else. And all that did was cause me stress! I finally started paying more attention to how I felt, realizing that the better I took care of myself mentally, the better I felt physically, and the better I felt physically, the more I wanted to do and the more I stayed on track. All that to say, figure out what works best for YOU! and do that! I've come to realize that 30 minutes of exercise is just as good as 1 or 2 hours of exercise, especially if you are eating the right foods. Also, the over working, over exercising can be worse than not working out at all. Find YOUR perfect balance and do that. There is something very empowering about following your own rules.
Also, it may be time to go back to your doctor and discuss what's going on with your meds. When I was dealing with depression, it took a number of tries before the doctor found something that works. emoticon

Comment edited on: 2/6/2013 6:32:04 AM

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FUSIONFITNESS3 2/6/2013 1:31AM

    Melissa, don't compare yourself to others. Everyone is able to do various amounts of exercise for differing reasons. You are doing so well with your fitness; you are committed and dedicated. Remember that fitness activity isn;t just for the number on the scale but also the non sacle victories and how you feel.
emoticon on regular commitment and dedication to fitness minutes.
Maria

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-THINQ- 2/6/2013 12:24AM

    No, there's Nothing wrong about you!
You're just Human, like the rest of us, InMyHumbleOpinion.
I often struggle with depression too, and when i exercise And! it doesn't help me rise out of the blues, it seems even harder. You are doing SO well, tho! to Keep At It and not give up.

I totally understand about the place you go where you can't function as well as you'd like. I hope that the increase in your scrip will kick in asap and help you recover a bit better.
You're a CHAMP for keeping up as well as you can with your classes; i hope you'll give yourself a break and let go of some of the guilt around not being perfect right now. I'm also a WorkEthic person, so i understand how badly i can feel when i don't meet my own expectations.

I don't know you at all; i just saw your blog title on our team thread scrolling by; but i am also VERY proud! of you! for reaching out, writing it out, and taking the time to reflect for yourself. emoticon
emoticon emoticon from a fellow sparker!

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GOODGETNBETR 2/5/2013 10:36PM

    No. Most days that's about what I get in. Focus on work 1st and exercise 2nd because if you need that income and lose your job to make your team happy then you'll be even more depressed. emoticon

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SOFEDUPP 2/5/2013 10:34PM

    Please don't let the amount of minutes you exercise determine how you feel about everything. Do what you can. There is no one standing with a clipboard counting your minutes except you. Give yourself a break. Sixty minutes a day is incredible.

I am proud of all that you have accomplished!!!

I understand your depression. There are days when all I do is sit at the computer and do nothing else!! After doing that for a while, I get down on myself for doing it. It is an endless cycle that needs to be broken.

Just know that I am here if you need me.

HUGS!!!!

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STILLWATERSSB 2/5/2013 10:28PM

    30-60 minutes is quite motivating! There are days that it takes everything I've got to get in 10 minutes. I agree that it's best not to compare yourself with others because they don't live your life. Keep doing what you're doing. If you're at a standstill weight wise, maybe you need to switch up the routine or fool your body. And of course, the eating right mixed with exercise is the best balance!

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KRZYKAT3 2/5/2013 10:16PM

    30 - 60 minutes a day is excellent. I do not let others who have the time to do 3-4 hours a day dictate what I do.

Hugs, you will find a balance, some days are just out of whack. Give it a hard rap and maybe it will fall into place.

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VELVETMERLIN 2/5/2013 10:05PM

    Hi Jaxmommy. It sounds to me like you have a small case of OCD when it comes to exercising (which can be good!)'. It's great that you are committing to yourself and getting exercise in and watching what you eat, but, if you are anything like me, you get all gung-ho about exercise and then you get OCD about it (I'm not making fun of you-this does happen to me). Any exercise you can get in is great, especially in this fast-paced world that we are living in. I know this can be hard, but never feel guilty about the time that you put in. There are going to be days when you have so much energy that you want to run around the world; other days it'll be a chore just to get up and get going. Think of it this way: any time you put time in on yourself is never wasted :) Sometimes I feel that way too. I'll go out and walk for an hour or for 90 minutes then I see what others have done and then I feel like I haven't done anything but then the 'I'm worn out' feeling hits and I feel good.All that matters is how you feel when you exercise and how you feel afterwards.

I think the best you can do is to stop comparing yourself to others. I know it's hard-I do it all the time. For the better part of 16 years I have worked a very physical job outside and now I'm not doing it and I have to find the time to exercise.

Are you keeping track of what you are eating and your exercises? Do you, by any chance, have a low thyroid? I know you can exercise and exercise and if you have a low thyroid, that makes it harder.

I think once you start telling yourself that what you are doing is good enough for yourself and your team, you will find that your work won't be suffering.

Do you have a love of music? I know when I'm down I put on some upbeat music and that helps (I have been diagnosed with depression and a low thyroid). I try to take each day as it comes-if I look more than a couple days down the road then I tend to get depressed because I don't know what it holds and it can be scary. Today I will think about what to do tomorrow and so on.

I hope nothing I said sounded condescending or rude. If it does, I apologize.

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LESSOFMOORE 2/5/2013 9:55PM

    Melissa, is your regular doctor back yet? Maybe your meds need adjusting. Take care of yourself!

Hugs,
Cyndie>
PS-There's nothing wrong with you!

Comment edited on: 2/5/2013 9:55:45 PM

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