Tuesday, February 05, 2013
It's been a while, but lots of things have been happening--positive things even!
Despite this, I have been very unmotivated to blog or track. I'm not sure what's going on, but it's been a while now. I feel motivated until I actually get onto the SP website and then I get suddenly tired. But I'm also continuing to get my feet under me. I went on a retreat in the woods 2 weeks ago, and it was really, really helpful. I do love lists, so let's just update everyone with a list of things I'm thinking, what's good, what's challenging, etc:
**We had a really difficult past 5 years we had offering hospitality to a Mom and her 3 kids. They left a year ago, but I am still holding onto a lot of the pain and resentment, so retreat helped me realize that it is time to start living in the NOW, not the regret of what happened (and didnít happen). Itís time to move on, facing the grief when I need to, but not to wallow in the grief.
**I can exercise! I am super bummed that my PT basically outlawed kickboxing, but I can do the elliptical and run and ST and after such a long, long time, it is very exciting!
**I am on an alcohol fast. If youíve ever read my blogs before, you know that this is something Iíve struggled with. I donít drink to excess (well almost never), but I have been increasingly uncomfortable with the daily-ness of my drinking and with the amount slowly slipping up in the past year with the stress of my Dadís illness. Weíre taking it a week at a time. Today is day 4, and itís going great! It is not, I donít think, something I want to give up. But I do want to give up itís hold on me.
**I am feeling motivated to eat healthy again. This has been starting and stopping for months on end (anyone know that feeling?). I am a bit tired of the starting over, but I just heard someone talk about having an attitude of beginnings every day, not an attitude of Ďhere we go againí or ĎI know how this will end up, Iíve been here beforeí. Kind of like greeting life and people with open curiosity, not bitterness or thoughts that I have pre-knowledge.
**I have gained 18 or so pounds back. Thatís hard to take.
**My negative voice has been having a much easier time with me some days.
**I still feel the pull of what I call the 5%, the ability to chose in all areas of life, not be a passenger or victim in my mentality.
**Truthfully I still feel a little whiny that itís not easier like it used to be. Motivation takes a lot more work these days.
**I just changed from fish oil vitamins to flax seed (to get omega-3 from a more whole food source) and am pissed off to find that flax seeds have a lot more calories. Good thing Iím not drinking!
Thereís a few things. I want to blog more, but I donít want to make any promises. Priority wise, I always want to track my food first, and that alone has been challenging enough.
Hope the end of winter is treating everyone else well. Spring is coming!