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    SONGBUDDHA   30,019
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well hello there!

Tuesday, February 05, 2013

It's been a while, but lots of things have been happening--positive things even!
Despite this, I have been very unmotivated to blog or track. I'm not sure what's going on, but it's been a while now. I feel motivated until I actually get onto the SP website and then I get suddenly tired. But I'm also continuing to get my feet under me. I went on a retreat in the woods 2 weeks ago, and it was really, really helpful. I do love lists, so let's just update everyone with a list of things I'm thinking, what's good, what's challenging, etc:

**We had a really difficult past 5 years we had offering hospitality to a Mom and her 3 kids. They left a year ago, but I am still holding onto a lot of the pain and resentment, so retreat helped me realize that it is time to start living in the NOW, not the regret of what happened (and didnít happen). Itís time to move on, facing the grief when I need to, but not to wallow in the grief.

**I can exercise! I am super bummed that my PT basically outlawed kickboxing, but I can do the elliptical and run and ST and after such a long, long time, it is very exciting!

**I am on an alcohol fast. If youíve ever read my blogs before, you know that this is something Iíve struggled with. I donít drink to excess (well almost never), but I have been increasingly uncomfortable with the daily-ness of my drinking and with the amount slowly slipping up in the past year with the stress of my Dadís illness. Weíre taking it a week at a time. Today is day 4, and itís going great! It is not, I donít think, something I want to give up. But I do want to give up itís hold on me.

**I am feeling motivated to eat healthy again. This has been starting and stopping for months on end (anyone know that feeling?). I am a bit tired of the starting over, but I just heard someone talk about having an attitude of beginnings every day, not an attitude of Ďhere we go againí or ĎI know how this will end up, Iíve been here beforeí. Kind of like greeting life and people with open curiosity, not bitterness or thoughts that I have pre-knowledge.

**I have gained 18 or so pounds back. Thatís hard to take.

**My negative voice has been having a much easier time with me some days.

**I still feel the pull of what I call the 5%, the ability to chose in all areas of life, not be a passenger or victim in my mentality.

**Truthfully I still feel a little whiny that itís not easier like it used to be. Motivation takes a lot more work these days.

**I just changed from fish oil vitamins to flax seed (to get omega-3 from a more whole food source) and am pissed off to find that flax seeds have a lot more calories. Good thing Iím not drinking!

Thereís a few things. I want to blog more, but I donít want to make any promises. Priority wise, I always want to track my food first, and that alone has been challenging enough.

Hope the end of winter is treating everyone else well. Spring is coming!

annjie
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DDOORN 2/8/2013 10:55PM

    Hey, wonderful to see you again! I've been MIA for even LONGER when it comes to blogging, etc. Not that I haven't been around, just haven't been able to put my "stuff" out there as I have in the past. Still kicking, not as well as I would like, but still standing, still here! :-)

Don

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FITFRANNIEK 2/6/2013 2:00PM

    Great Goals Anjii!! Definitely keeping you in my thoughts and prayers! take each day as an opportunity to choose success. Also- on the fish oil, have you ever considered going liquid?? just some more options! GOOD LUCK AND GOD BLESS THIS WEEK!

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SUSIEGKORN 2/6/2013 1:44PM

    Really good blog annjie! You put it all out there, and that can be such a positive release on top of the other things you've done! That retreat sounds wonderful!

I was just a social drinker, but stopped in Nov. of 2010 when I got diagnosed with diabetes. The doctor didn't tell me to, but the side effects of the medicine I take can be hard on the kidneys and liver so I figured I should. Sometimes it's hard, but I've not had a drink of alcohol since! When I go out with friends in drinking situations, I usually drink a diet Coke with a lime in it, to give the illusion of a cocktail. LOL Whatever works, right!

Happy for you that you can workout again! Whew! That was a long-time challenge! You give me strength to endure my recent health issues. Thanks for the goodie by the way! It was so good to hear from you!

Take care of yourself, friend. I'm here for you!

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SHRINKING_SARA 2/5/2013 9:27PM

    We're here to listen if you feel like blogging. As a mostly non-drinker, the hardest part is going to be the social pressure to drink. If you can stay strong -- you'll definitely be healthier and feel better. *Good Luck = Stay Strong!

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BETHSWORLD 2/5/2013 8:21PM

    You have a lot of wonderful goals listed. Anjii, you know you can do this. You deserve this for yourself. I am sorry to hear that your Dad is ill, my thoughts are with you and your family.

I apologize to you and my other SP friends that I have been MIA and not here for support. But I want to be here now for you and my other friends. Because I need the support more than you know.

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Comment edited on: 2/5/2013 8:23:20 PM

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