Why is it so hard being a mama?

Tuesday, February 05, 2013

I guess I'm still in the thick of it.
I know different stages of parenthood have their issues but right now what with constant chaos, demands, queries (why? Why are days short in winter? What can I have to eat? What is winter? Can we buy donuts and candy and cake? Can i have juice then? Why not? But whhhhyyyy?), THEIR supercharged energy levels, their broken nights = our very broken nights, the constant battle to show them what is healthy, respectful, good, etc
The huge weight on our shoulders as parents.
The enormous pressure I feel.
The fact that that person I bump into almost weekly says to me every time:" ha! You'll see, they're 10 times worse when they're teenagers! You'll wish you never knew them!"
Hearing that when you haven't had a full night's sleep in years, when you've been holding back your own tears all day, when you're battling post-natal depression for the third time, basically when you're doing all you can to just get thru the next few hours...not helpful.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    It's hard because you love your children (yes, inspite of 'those' moments) and want to teach them to be respectful and help them learn. I read the other comments and I think they've nailed it. Hang in there. You're teaching your children valuable lessons, and it WILL pay off some day.

    I have 3 'little darlings' (the youngest is in her 30's) who drove me nuts from time to time. Each child is an individual, and will behave individually. When my middle child was grown with children of her own, she gave me a plaque for my's titled "How To Be A Mean Mother" and lists all sorts of things like "You're a mean mother for making me tell you where I was going and with whom." and "You're a mean mother for making me be home by 10:00." She then told me how glad she is that I was a 'mean mother.'

    I still think the hardest time for me was toilet training them!! emoticon
    1871 days ago
  • KAREN91
    Another reason its not worse when they are teens they help out when they are older. When they were little I hated to take them to the grocery store because it was difficult with them along. Now I like to take them along for help lifting dog food in the cart or help pushing a 2nd cart. We get alot of groceries at a time and it helps alot when they all help carry it in. They take turns with some chores which I hardly ever do myself anymore. My husband has one mow the front yard in the summer and another the back yard while we stay in the house. My daughters took over the laundry completely when I had surgery last April. There are things to like about the teen years. When they want to help you now teach them to help its more work right now but it pays off later.
    1871 days ago
  • MARUKI52
    Mine were not ten times worse as teenagers. Yes there was some stubbornness but nothing untoward. I don't know if I was lucky but they have turned out to be wonderful adults. Not all teenagers are so terrible.

    And to answer your question "why is it so hard"'s because you care about and love your children so you want to do the best you can for them.
    1871 days ago

    Comment edited on: 2/5/2013 4:53:42 PM
  • KAREN91
    You are still in the thick of it. I have 9 kids as you know the oldest is 32 and the youngest is 9. 4 of mine are teens right now. The teen years can be difficult but in a different way then what you are going through. When they are little they are more work physically and you cant always meet your needs for sleep, adult conversation and time away. When they are teens they stress you in different ways but you can usually get sleep and they are usually away from you more so its not as constant! Sometimes you worry more because you dont have as much control over what they do and where they are but thats where the time you put in now teaching them and bonding with them comes in. I think in some ways though they are their own person. I have some teens who are easy and some who are more rebelious then others but I think you are in the most demanding stage of parenthood right now. I agree with Lailatn if you can recharge your soul and get away for a break. What makes this stage so hard is the lack of breaks. emoticon emoticon
    1871 days ago
    Oh my goodness I wish I could all give you a hug!!
    Thank you so much for telling me it's worth it. It's so easy to start thinking I've done it all wrong. My greatest hope is that my kids grow up to be loving people. At the heart of all my actions is that aim. Everything else is icing on the cake.
    Many of your comments brought tears to my eyes and have given me great hope.
    1871 days ago
    As a teacher, I encourage the kids to find out as much as they can for themselves. Children's curiosity is an amazing thing and it wouldn't be good to stamp it out, but I can appreciate how tiring it must be to deal with it all the time. Get them to record their questions (by writing, drawing, photos, video, audio recording... whatever seems appropriate) and then create opportunities for exploring them at dedicated times. Maybe set aside an hour per week. Provide them with some materials, look it up together on the Internet or at the library, or go somewhere (park, farm, creek, museum, etc). Or just talk about it, but at a time when you're able to focus.
    1871 days ago
    The two 'whys' I liked best were :- why are carrots orange!!! And, Mummy, when aeroplanes are in the air, how do they know when they can come down? A sensible question, but try explaining radar to a four year old! If the question is sensible I.e. why are days shorter in winter, then look it up on the Internet, and sit down with them and read the answer, that way you both learn something. If not, give them some chores to do, they'll soon make themselves scarce.
    1871 days ago
    The good news is that they're not all "ten times worse when they're teenagers"! I have a 15 year old daughter who is wonderful to be around. Not that she doesn't have her teenagerish moments, but she's definitely the foil to all those predictions of horror that you can hear from some parents. She did definitely try me when she was younger though.

    I always have to bite my tongue to keep from saying something snarky in response to those kind of negative comments about teenagers. Something along the lines of "It's not the teenagers' fault that they're awful...they can't help the parenting that they've had". Of course, not always applicable, and definitely not nice, so I bite my tongue. But sometimes it's HARD!

    And something that might make you laugh, or at least give you something to think about when dealing with the frustrations of a"Why?" attack.... In the middle of one such "Why?" episode (made even worse by being stuck in the car in traffic), I finally got so frustrated and told my daughter to "Stop asking why!" There was this long thoughtful pause from my darling daughter...and then she asked "How come?" I had to pull over and laugh, although to this day I'd like to find whoever taught her that and throttle them!!
    1871 days ago
  • SUE5007
    At least when they're teens you get a full night's rest 80% of the week.

    Being a mom is the most thankless job ever. It's physically and mentally draining! It's amazing how hard we work, but the tiniest thing can fill us back up...the smile of an infant, a hug from a toddler, a simple thank you or hearing them laugh makes it worth it that day.

    Next time they start their "ask mom a million questions" phase you should answer their question with a question. Make it a game and try to be annoying back! emoticon
    1871 days ago
    I think every one has the same problems. Children asre so demanding.
    1871 days ago
    I know everyone always says wait til they are teenagers. I have a 12 year old GIRL along with a 9 year old girl a 8 year old boy and a 3 year old boy. Guess what. It will get better. I promise. I am just at the begining of the teen years but I can promise you that if you teach them to be respecrful when they are young, then the teenage years wont be as bad as everyone always makes them out to be.
    Keep your head up!!!!!
    Love those babies and Keep on keepin on.
    You got this mama!
    1871 days ago
    Oh honey, hang in there! I felt the same way when my girls were little. The constant battle is exhaustng, but so worth it. I have an almost 13 year old, and when she was 3, I thought she would grow up to be an axe-murderer. Imagine my suprise when she turns out to be an honor-roll, straight A, musical, NICE KID who adores her sister and tells me everything. That's its own form of high maintenance, but I PROMISE, every ounce of work you put into your kids pays off later.

    1871 days ago
  • 2BEHEALTHY2014
    It's been a long time since I went through what you're going through, my "baby" turns 27 this year. If it's any consolation, all the hard work that you're doing now is worth it. There is nothing better than having children. emoticon
    1871 days ago
    It's the hardest thing I've ever done, being a Mama. I'm in the thick of it too, he's 19 months old. I love him more than I could ever imagine, but he has changed every thing about my life and pushed me to see things about myself that I didn't necessarily want to see. I try to be forgiving of myself, and to realize that I'm a pretty good Mom even when I don't always feel like one. Sometimes the best thing we can do for ourselves AND for them is to try and get a BREAK! :) Even just an hour away doing something for ourselves can recharge our souls.

    People mean well but sometimes when they think they're being helpful, they're not.

    Good luck! You're not alone! Motherhood is hard!
    1871 days ago
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