Tuesday, February 05, 2013
Lately the difference between whether or not I'm staying within my calorie range come down to what I am going to call a "tiny chocolate binge". A "tiny chocolate binge" for me is when I just don't want to say "no" to a chocolate craving and I kind of ignore the fact that it is going to take me out of calorie range. I've been about 200 calories out of range most days for a few weeks, with the result that I don't reach my weight loss goals. I go get my dark chocolate on a break. I then gobble half down, usually without savoring it. Tell myself to not eat the rest, and then probably less than 10 seconds later I'm gobbling the other half down.
I am self-aware enough to know what is going on. Now I better face it.
I'm to the point in my calorie range that I really have to get very serious about getting all my veggies and planning my calories well. I can do that. I love veggies. But then somehow I'm plotting to get my dark chocolate hazelnut bar on top of it. Some of it might have to do with ditching stress and looking forward to "getting" something during work.
I built up some kind of crazy rebellious-- and slightly sneaky--- relationship with chocolate over the last couple of months. It started with me taking my work break to go across the street to grab a chocolate bar. Then with saying "No chocolate at all" to myself for a few weeks. Then I got rebellious and started a habit of looking forward to my "chocolate break" a few days a week. Some days I analyze whether or not I really am hungry or craving chocolate.... and I'm not.... but I'm rebellious and I want to tell myself I can sneak across the street to Walgreens on break and buy one, especially when I'm stressed. That's where it's really coming from, this kind of crazy "You can't tell me what I can't do". I know people who will do stupid things just to spite the government, their parents, etc. My stupid thing happens to be against myself. So I need to train myself out of it.
Here's the training: First thing to tell myself. "You can have whatever you want." "Figure out what you truly want."
What I truly want is some water just now and later some red peppers.
When I get them I will experience them fully and slowly and figure out if they are satisfying.
Can I get enough satisfaction that I can then be self aware about breathing, family, work?
*Going to get water* *Back to work*