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    KELLYANNMOYER   2,567
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Bleh...(day 36)

Tuesday, February 05, 2013

I have been in the worst state of mind the last few days. I did pretty bad over the weekend. Only got to do about 20 minutes of exercise on Sunday cause the baby woke up before I could finish my video. Saturday night we wound up ordering pizza and I ate half of one. It was Dominos, so their slices aren't the ginormous kind, but its still half of a pizza. I guess I was just in such a yuck mood I figured I deserved it. The Babes started walking recently and now she suddenly wants nothing to do with her pureed baby food anymore. She wants finger food. Which is all fine and dandy, but she's only got 6 teeth, there's only so much I can give her. And I'm trying to give her healthy things to try but so far all she consistently eats is cucumber and mozzarella cheese. We've tried baked cubed sweet potatoes and peas and tomato and avacado (which to be fair, she ate a tiny bit of i think because the coloring was close to a pickle). Also tried meatballs and noodles, cheerios, baby ravioli, chopped up cereal bars. Nothing. I know I just have to keep on trying but its frustrating when she's throwing her hands up as I'm trying to come at her with a spoon full of pureed anything and its going all over the place. And she's been so whiny! It really just sucks up any possible good mood you're in. I have to keep reminding myself that she's a baby and this will pass and she can't speak yet so all she can do is cry. But as any mom knows, it gets exhausting.

So yes, I'm blaming my daughter for my lack of will power over the weekend. I know its really my fault, but clearly when I'm stressed, I eat. Then yesterday I wound up making cookies for my girlfriend who is pregnant and of course I ate a bunch of them because my will power was still so weak. I've had a terrible sweet tooth lately. Not sure what that's about. I did get to do 45 minutes of weight training, but I'm pretty confident that the amount of cookies that went down my throat completely negated that. Then I saw myself in the mirror on my closet door. It sounds weird, but really, how often do you get to see yourself in a full length mirror? I get ready in the morning in the bathroom and the mirrors in there only go down to my chest. And the other mirror in my bedroom is attached to my dresser and I don't often see that one because of the angle that its facing. But while I was chasing my daughter around my bed yesterday, I wound up opening my bedroom closet to grab something and she's very fascinated with mirrors, so I left it open for her for a little while. Then I went and sat down on the bed behind her and just stared at myself all hunched over and gross in the mirror. It's like there's a disconnect between what I actually look like and what I think I look like. I sat there and I tried all different sitting positions trying to be as posture perfect as I could and I still had all these rolls. It was like, WOW, that's really what I look like? How depressing. Then I went and made cookies. I wanted to smack myself. That's why you look like that, stupid.

So needless to say haven't been in the best frame of mind this week so far. I'm trying to get out of this funk, but its hard. I only have 157 days left. That's scary close to 150, which is super close to 100, which is like nothing. Its like I'm waiting to fail. But I keep telling myself that its not an option this time. But I can't help but wait for it. Ugh, I need to find some inspiration, big time. I'm gonna work on that...
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