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    CHESSIEKITTY   5,198
4,000-5,499 SparkPoints

Monday, Monday aka Melancholy Meanderings

Monday, February 04, 2013

Ah, it's Monday. Reminds me of The Mamas & The Papas: da, ba da da.... ba da, ba da da....
Monday, Monday, so good to me
Monday mornin', it was all I hoped it would be...
Monday, Monday, can't trust that day
Monday, Monday, sometimes it just turns out that way
Oh Monday mornin' you gave me no warnin' of what was to be...
Every other day, every other day
Every other day of the week is fine, yeah
But whenever Monday comes, but whenever Monday comes
A-you can find me cryin' all of the time

I know you're either humming or singing it. I know I am. Well that's because I'm listening to them. emoticon

Today has really been a emoticon Garfield kind of day for me. I have simply felt miserable today. Didn't feel like eating but knew I needed to so I had a slimfast for breakfast and a peanut butter & jelly sandwich for lunch/supper. Yep, that's it. So at least I didn't go all weird and resort to my favorite comfort foods. I'm learning. It's not easy that's for certain. And, when your tummy feels like it's not going to keep whatever you DO put in it...anyway not going into TMI but you understand.

I didn't exercise today. I didn't do much. I didn't crochet or read. I just sat or laid in my chair and stared at the tv which was muted most of the time. Or I stared out my living room window at the snow falling. I realized today that I haven't played the piano in a long time. I have a bunch of mail on the lid of my piano. Hmmm....I think it would be a good idea to clean it off, scoot out the bench, and do some playing. I used to have a job as an assistant to a choir director. So, I played everyday for hours for over 10 years. That ended in 2001 when I took a position at Cincinnati Children's Hospital in their Cytogenetics division doing chromosomal research. That ended in 2003 when it was discovered that I had a cyst wrapped around my brain stem and pineal gland. I couldn't return because I have just enough of a flutter in my eyes to not be able to use the microscope. And along the way, I was married and divorced. Had countless different major surgeries. Took jobs but couldn't keep them for medical reasons. Then finally this last job where I cracked a vertebrae and had to have a spinal fusion. And now I'm fighting for disability.

Life...don't you just hate it when it gets in the way? When what you planned/dreamed gets crushed? I can completely understand. So, as I sit here, I realize this blog has very little to do with weight loss but it does have a whole lot of me. Sometimes it amazes me that I'm not locked up in a little white room....

I know this is a darker blog post than I've had for awhile. I think it's because I don't feel well so I'm melancholy. Whenever I get ill, I think of what was, what could have been, what should have been, and what I didn't accomplish, what I failed at, who I've failed and so forth. I know many of you do the same thing. You just choose not to let anyone in. Your fear is

But that's why I blog. And since I have, I am finding that I am working towards being able to

If you've stayed with me through my melancholy meanderings, you are a trooper! Let me know that you did and your thoughts emoticon


Member Comments About This Blog Post:
BEEJAY49 2/5/2013 6:10AM

    We all have those down days, but it makes the up days so much better. You've been through so much in your life, but look how far you've come! But now I know you definitely understand why I don't "open" up about everything in my life. :) Today will be much better for you! Love you! HUGS!

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WILDFLOWERMA 2/4/2013 11:02PM

    {{HUGS}} Those dark days can be so difficult, but please know that your Spark family is here for you.

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FELINEBETTER 2/4/2013 9:47PM

    Hey Girl!
We've all that kind of day! I hope you aren't coming down with a nasty flu! There is so much of it around. You have been doing really well! Pamper yourself a little (not with food!) & hopefully this will pass. Take care. emoticon

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1HAPPYSPIRIT 2/4/2013 9:27PM

    I enjoyed reading your blog! Thanks for sharing!

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SEATTLE58 2/4/2013 9:25PM

    Awwww, I'm so sorry you're going through what you're going through right now, but just remember that us SP are all here for you. With you coming out and writing it down to tell us, is a good thing. To vent it out. Hopefully tomorrow will be brighter for you. emoticon I'll be thinking of you lots and lots and will be on your shoulder. Here's lots of emoticon and emoticon to you. emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

Karen emoticon

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MAJONES1225 2/4/2013 9:08PM

    Nice blog

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