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Confronting Demons

Monday, February 04, 2013

Scaredy Cat... That's what I feel like. I actually feel anxiety today, like nautious anxiety. Not sure what happened but I feel it, well I know what happened.

I woke up today, the day after Super Bowl with a major food belly, Bloated, out of breath, feeling gross... Everything I hate about being over weight. I got to work and felt just as bad if not worse. It wasn't fading away like it normally does. It was hanging on.

While I was working I was re-capping my conversations from yesterday about trying to get fit, thinking of where I want to go, when I want to get there, and last but not least HOW am I going to get there.

I normally write about oh how much effort I'm putting in, and how I can do it next time... Blah blah blah.... It dawned on me last night I need to do it or not. I need to just actually go back to trying to lose instead of trying to maintain.

I work out harder than anyone's business. I mean I really push it. I workout without fail to a fault. I actually hate skipping a day because I feel sluggish, fat and lazy when I skip a day. So in talking last night I thought WHY am I not losing? As I eat another appetizer.... Ah HA! We talked about how when my PT says Hey you shouldn't have this.... Take it as Try and pick something else a couple of times and see how that works out for you.

As the morning progressed I still felt really icky. I decided to actually meet one of my goals and call to make an appointment for a primary Doctor. I picked one that sounds nice. Now lets see what she can do with my oddities that I bring to the table. Like today's... 8 hours after my work out and still kind of feel like I'm out of breath. Thinking it has to do with my BP meds. Maybe it's time to lower them???

Anyhow, back to business... Feeling Fat, being mad at myself, down talking myself as I work. THEN I did it. I got off the pot! I pooped and got off the pot! (figuratively) I text my trainer and said I was in... I wanted to join her body challenge. Now this is something that I despise! I normally do terrible when I'm confronted with competition but I thought I have to do this. I have to face myself and stop making excuses. Is this just another excuse? Not sure but I'm feeling nervous about my decision... What if I lose... What if I would win... What if I fail miserably? What if I actually succeed. Needless to say I am SCARED!

It's a 12 week challenge. For 12 weeks I am going to commit to being the best I can be because I deserve it! Here's what I deserve:
I deserve cute clothes,
a proud husband and
a happy mind set.

Here's what I propose to do:
1. Join / Measure / start body challenge today
2. Give it all I've got! - Call it a diet if I have to
3. Write and be honest - Food intake, anxieties, feelings
4. Lose 25 pounds in 12 weeks.
5. Learn to believe in myself.
6. Just do it and give it all I've got!

I always tell my daughter "I believe in you." Now if I could just do that for myself....

Today is my next step in my journey. Oh my god I think I'm going to cry! I feel like I might be confronting some emotional demons in my very near future! Yep... going to cry.... scared!

Good luck to me. Not sure that I believe in myself... but that will become part of my challenge. I can do anything for a week!
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    You fight those emotional demons!! They are in the way. You are awesome and you will do great!
    Good luck and be strong. If you have to pretend that you believe in yourself everyday do it and you will start to! That may sound dumb but I think it works emoticon

    1873 days ago
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