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5,500-6,999 SparkPoints
Not up to task.

Monday, February 04, 2013

I think I won the Super Bowl of eating yesterday.

All joking aside, yesterday was not a good day, eating-wise, for me. I went to a Super Bowl party, and this party included a Super Bowl cookoff. And people cooked it off, thatís for sure. There was a ton of amazing food, and I ate all of it. Maybe not all of it, but my share and your share and a few other peopleís shares too. And there was no good reason for it. Not that the food wasnít good; there were some amazing things there. And I wanted to try all the dishes, but that wasnít really the problem either.

The problem was that I just kept going. I packed myself so damn full that I felt sick, and then I kept eating. I could easily have tried every dish, had some snacks and treats, and still have avoided Fatmageddon. But I didnít. I actively chose not to eat the way I should. Now, of course, I have to really think about the answer to why that is.

I know what I should be doing. I spent seven months doing exactly what I should and I had the results to prove it. Since then, though, Iíve been in a holding pattern. Iím not doing all the things that got me to 400 pounds, but Iím also not doing all the things that got me to 270. So whatís changed? Why donít I seem to have the strength that I had in the beginning?

Really, Iím finding that Iím not challenging myself the way that I did before. I could have held back yesterday, tried everything there was to try, indulge just enough to satisfy myself, and I could have felt good about it at the end of the day. But I wanted to eat a pigs in a blanket two at a time more than I wanted to lose weight this week. That would be fine if I felt like Iím where I want to be, but Iím definitely not. Iím getting complacent and self-satisfied, and thatís not OK with me.

This has extended to my workouts too. I spent about a week and a half doing very little Ė first because I was on a trip and I was lazy, and then because I had a nasty flu that forced me to take it easy Ė and itís taking a long time to get back. I had plans for a six-mile run on Saturday and that didnít happen. Oh, I started running intending to run six miles, but at the two-mile mark I started walking. In the end, it turned into a relatively good workout; I alternated walking and running, walking around a quarter mile followed by running a half-mile or a mile. But I was running six and seven miles before and to pull up at a third of that is frustrating.

The worst part is that I can do it. I believe that I could have pushed through if I wanted to. Part of the problem is that it only took a couple of weeks for my body to completely forget how to regulate its speed. I can run at a ten-minute pace fairly comfortably, but for some reason when I started running on Saturday, I was pushing up to a 9:15-9:30 pace. So I canít say Iím too surprised that I sputtered out after two miles.

So whatís the solution? Iíve lost 140 pounds, and I have at least 50 to go. To do this, I have to work out a lot, eat things that arenít terrible for me and eat a normal amount of them, andÖwell yeah, thatís it. Like my favorite refrain, ďSimple, not easy.Ē I just need to do it.

Anyway, there is one bit of positive news to report. I bought myself a new pair of jeans this weekend, size 38x32, which is my first pair of jeans in the 30s in at least ten years. This is all well and good, but if I donít get my ass in gear Iím going to be back in the 40s, and I have no interest in that. What I want is to be closer to 200 pounds than 300 pounds. I want to feel like Iím pushing myself, not like Iím giving less than my best. Thatís going to come down to me.
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JUSTLIKEALICE 2/6/2013 10:00PM

    You know what you need to do. Now do it. emoticon

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SOFT_VAL67 2/5/2013 6:17PM

    Could it be, that when you finally reached that one big goal, you recently met, that you felt, "ok, ive made it, now i can let up on myself a little"....maybe??
or, it could be that you, feeling a lot more normal around your friends, and probably not as embarrassed or self conscious, now feel like you can eat as they do and not be overly judged.
and enjoying yourself during a superbowl party, or any other event is something we all strive for.
i think you have done an amazing job and because of your blogs, i have worked just a little harder...
as i am sure alot of sparkers have...
dont be too tough on yourself, you are well aware of what you need to do and you are well aware of what you are doing wrong...and eventually you will melt the two and get back on track.
personally and for some this might be a cop out, but i am feeling the cold weather and winter blues have set alot of us back
some more than others....
just keep working out and the desire to work harder will return
and you know you dont eat that way every day...just remember how you felt the morning after and i dont think you will make it a habit....
good luck sweet friend and keep on inspiring us all.... emoticon

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JENNIEONFIRE 2/4/2013 11:17PM

    Sounds to me like you need to shake up your workout a have lost a lot of weight but now you need new challenging things to keep your mind and body in the game....This is the harder part but I know you can do it Josh! emoticon

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TOWHEE 2/4/2013 9:07PM

    Can anyone say "BOREDOM"? I'm bored with doing everything right. I'm bored with eating the way I should instead of the way I want.
Why do I want pigs in a blanket instead of a piece of ham on a Wasa?
Why do I want oreos or brownies or a sticky bun instead of an apple or a pear or an orange?
The hard part is trying to make me crave the fruits and veggies and not the processed sweets.

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    When you talk about a "ton of amazing food," it makes me think that you've somehow been feeling deprived of certain things you'd cut out of your diet, and suddenly there they were, all of them, staring you in the face and daring you to walk away and eat rabbit food instead.

Is there a way to incorporate some of these foods into your meal plan, or to schedule a cheat day occasionally? I know there are certain places I go where I won't get away without consuming 2,500 calories for the day, twice my minimum allowable. So I eat what I want to, enjoy it to the max, then get back on track the next day, knowing it's not the last time I'll ever have these foods.

Right now I have seven -- yes, 7 -- bars of chocolate that are only available here during about 2 weeks over the holidays. Just knowing they're available in the freezer means I didn't have to scarf them down the day I bought them because they wouldn't be for sale again until next December. So I can enjoy them over the course of the year.

I have faith in you and what you've learned from losing the weight. Gosh, 140 pounds is a whole medium-sized person! That's quite an accomplishment. Take a deep breath, get back on the program and know that you are stronger than any darn pig-in-a-blanket.

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LIVEDAILY 2/4/2013 7:32PM

    emoticon Do you need a good swift kick in the patootie?? Nah...I don't think so. Like you said, you know what you need to do. It's hard when you get sidetracked by vacations and illness...and LIFE. The most important thing though, is that you've realized you got sidetracked and you WANT to get back on track.
emoticon emoticon emoticon

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FITAT50 2/4/2013 6:13PM

    Easy peasy...not! What do you want more is what it amounts to. We all know you CAN do it, find that drive again!. Stop by the chat thread daily for motivation and support emoticon

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JUSTCHELLE75 2/4/2013 5:11PM

    The end is way harder than the beginning

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ADARKARA 2/4/2013 4:37PM

    emoticon emoticon

Although we're dealing with it differently, I, too, am in a bit of a funk right now. I'm chalking it up to winter. If we can make it through the winter we can get back to our summer workout routines and feel better. We just have to make it there!

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ATTACKFATCAT 2/4/2013 4:33PM

    Do you tend to eat more in social situations like that? It may be that it's easier to be disciplined when it's just you and the food, but maybe it's more difficult with others around? I know that can be the case for me. It's not even the people pushing me to eat more, it's just the atmosphere is relaxed and I get that feeling that it's OK to be a pig if I want to. I think everyone has those moments, even in the middle of their weight loss. I see a lot of people on here who have a lot to lose and somewhere in the middle they lose their juice and need to recharge a bit. It happened to me too. I dropped about 50 pounds and was doing great and then...I just lost the motivation. Life got in the way, and while I maintained most of the loss, it took a while for me to want to truly lose more weight.

Maybe a change of pace is what you need. A new kind of workout or some different foods? A new challenge? What got me going again this round is an attempt at a triathlon in June. I tried for a 5K last year but gave up training because of knee issues and because I don't love to run. However, I do love to bike and swim, so I thought a triathlon would give me some fresh motivation and it has worked well so far.

Regardless, just look at this as a bump in the road and recommit yourself to it. Even if you try something new, you are going to have to push yourself at first to "just do it." Good luck!

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DEE797 2/4/2013 4:26PM

    You owned up to what you ate, Your in size 38's and now it's time to emoticon and moving forward towards your goal......because emoticon

Comment edited on: 2/4/2013 4:27:05 PM

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LUCYLU22 2/4/2013 4:14PM

    I do love your logic, knowing that it is 'simple', sure does NOT make it 'easy'! It really does just come down to doing the work, doesn't it? I know you have it in YOU, just time to find it again!

REMINDER: Look to the positive... you got "NEW" jeans, in the 30's! BE PROUD at what you have accomplished, and look forward to what you WILL accomplish!!!


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_MOBII_ 2/4/2013 3:46PM

    'Simple, not easy' You hit the nail with that one!

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GRATTECIELLA 2/4/2013 3:24PM

    I'm feeling the same way you are! I'm doing better than bad, but not good either. Time for us to find our motivation again!

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KASHMIR 2/4/2013 3:16PM

    I have found after a hyatis from running I almost always go out too fast, and after being sick, it all falls apart and I end up doing a run/walk instead of a planned walk. (Kinda dreading what's going to happen when the Dr clears me to run again!)

Care to have a Spy vs Spy side challenge on proper eating for the upcoming week? I am trying to get my food back under control after two weeks of comfort eating.

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*RENEAT* 2/4/2013 3:09PM

    You are very inspirational. Not just for your weight loss but in the way you see things as they really are and are honest with yourself about it. Thank you!! Keep up the good work! PS We all blew it for Superbowl I think....

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DIET_FRIEND 2/4/2013 3:00PM

    I am going through similar feelings about my eating addiction. I'm rededicating myself to tracking. It's great you are wearing 38 pants. It feels good to wear smaller sizes. We both know what to do and must resolve to do it.

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