Day 13 of the 21 day Clean
Monday, February 04, 2013
I lost weight and felt thrill, fear, worry, joy. To be clear, my body picks up and puts down 5lbs in a day depending on the tilt of Saturn and the color of my shoes. I am a flux-body that averaged 184 before starting the cleanse and now I bump around 174. Part of me is thrilled, those ten pounds were all depression weight and I wanted them and their memories off me. But part of me worries.
I know why I lost so much. I couldn't keep my calories high enough on their stupid liquid-solid-liquid program. I lost my appetite and by the time evening came to track my calories I was barely clearing 1200. Some of you, even if you don't want to admit it, are intrigued and excited by this. Maybe this cleanse is for you! Ten pounds in less than two weeks?!
I have those hopes still. Maybe, I think to myself, if I can shed them fast then I'll have the motivation *and* energy to keep it off! But it never seems to work that way, and I'll tell you why. Yesterday I went for a jog with friends and I felt like I was dying. I ran at "top speed", a simple trot that any speedwalker could match. And try as I might, I couldn't amp any higher. I had zero stamina because I'd been using all my calories (and more) just to hold my body upright these past weeks. Adding exercise was more than I could take. What I'm saying is, I accidentally starved myself and the result of starvation is the inability to perform healthy upkeep.
I want these ten pounds and the next ten (and the next!) gone for good, but the only way to achieve that with a healthy maintenance is to enter that via a healthy road.
I've changed most or all of my meals to solids (breakfast smoothies are forgivable) and I try my best to keep an awareness of hunger. If I feel nothing for hours upon hours then something is wrong. A little hunger does me good, but a loss of appetite leaves me gray and confused.
The hardest thing I've found about this elimination diet is the support system. They are there for me most of the time, but I have to keep a cheery face. I have no room to complain because this is voluntary and "if you hate it then quit." I'd like to, but the memory of my 24 hour vomiting and my inability to do *anything* motivates me to find an answer.
This elimination diet is not good for a cleanse or a detox or weightloss. It is easily dangerous in the hands of a novice cook or a french-fry vegetarian. It is only good for determining allergens, which I would do instead in 4 day increments per allergen. 4 days off, 1-2 days testing, rest and next allergen.
Keep you updated.