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    SDLEE514   18,810
15,000-19,999 SparkPoints

Note to self:

Monday, February 04, 2013

Never go grocery shopping the day before the Superbowl. I hate going grocery shopping as it is and it was desperately needed so I really didn't have an option. But, never again. The plaza where one of our grocery stores is was a crazy zoo and inside the grocery store wasn't much better. Everything picked over, nothing left but an overabundance of Superbowl chips and dip. There was produce on the floor, people fighting through aisles etc. And since it was so crowded I could blatantly see people picking up produce and putting it back, and being the germaphobe that I am, that really skeeves me out. I know it happens, but when I actually see it, yuck. So yeah, the whole experience was basically my worst nightmare.

But the trip itself was good food-wise, I tried to do a general meal plan before hand, made my way around the outer grocery store getting all my produce/freggies, lean meats, and greek yogurts. Yes, I ended up putting 30 yogurts in my cart (on sale, 10/$10 and we each eat one a we'll go through them). I did however buy some not so great Superbowl food (I mean, it's expected and practically considered another holiday) so I bought boneless white meat chicken tenders (Buffalo and Bourbon flavored) and tortilla chips and salsa.

In other news, I'm in a complete funk, again. Off the wagon, feeling like a failure, again. ugggh.

January was a complete split. After New Years I had a solid 2 straight weeks of staying on track, I lost the weight I gained over the holidays and I was feeling good. Then somewhere along the line I got tired of being so good. The last two weeks of January into the first week of February were crap, I only worked out 11 out of the 21 days. I should have done at LEAST 15. And my eating habits were terrible, filled with binges and no dinner planning. Last week was a terrible work week, I worked long hours most days (and I already work 9.5 hour days) so I was too exhausted to exercise. I was afraid to weigh myself over these last few weeks, but when I did I was up about a pound, but still within my ideal range and still 10 pounds down from where I was. Then I weighed myself again after the hellish last week and I was up 4 pounds in a single week! I blamed it on one of my salty binges and sure enough a few days later I was down again. But I want to still be losing, not fluctuating and struggling just to maintain.

I slipped into all the excuses and downward spiral mentality...well this week I'm stressed, I'll eat what I want, I'm too tired to work out, I know I can regain control so I might as well "have at it" this in to the things I normally don't (e.g. a muffin with my coffee, not packing my own lunches and going out, etc. etc.) Then this all frustrated me more because I felt like I was on the D word, a DIET and as most of us know, to succeed you need to make healthy habits a way of life, and that diets are "bad."

So then I got to thinking how do I get out of feeling like I'm on a diet? Is it the tedious tracking? Is it adhering to my 5-6 days a week workout plan? Do I still have an unhealthy attitude toward food? (yes...otherwise I wouldn't so easily be able to say screw it! I'm getting candy after eating Mexican, justifying it by the fact that I was craving it and I was on a "break" because I already had a bad day/week) Would not tracking but still being diligent help me? As in, am I capable of losing weight w/out being so strict on Spark and using it as a safety blanket? I honestly don't think I'm ready to try. I've seen it time and time again with myself that if I can't track something (I don't know the calories, etc.) then I think I've already messed up everything for the day so it doesn't matter any more. I have it on my own SparkPage but I need to live up to it and I am sooo tired of failing at it "If you're tired of starting over, don't give up!" if only it were that easy

Then, I'm feeling down because I pretty much failed all my New Years resolutions. so expected :(
I have broken:
*never go 2 days without some form of exercise
*stick with my HRM training program
*no alcohol
*write in my journal once a month
*ease up with my bf (about wedding stuff etc. okay kind of hard to do when THREE of your friends get engaged in one weekend and its like shoving it in my face/his face that we are not there yet)

Resolutions I've been okay about:
*Losing the holiday weight and maintaining - but now I have a lower goal
*reducing my artificial sugars (hard because its not really a specific goal with an end accomplishment)
*working out longer on days I work from home (no commute = more time to workout. I don't think I've adhered to this every day I've worked from home, but I would say most)
*attend 1 Meetup per month. I went to one in January and I have ones planned for Feb
*Start saving regularly--well I haven't gone on any shopping sprees that didnt involve the gift cards I got from Christmas

Anyways, if you made it through all of this I applaud you. All I can do is keep. moving. forward. And any advice on finding balance and not feeling like I'm on a diet would be greatly appreciated! Let's make this a great week/month!

Member Comments About This Blog Post:
CHEMCHIC2006 2/5/2013 8:29AM

    Do not focus on your failures.. it will only make you not want to continue. I struggle with this too.. but try to visualize yourself meeting your goal. That bathing suit you want to look good in... the vacation you want to look good in pictures for.. the next time you get together with family, the comments you hear because you'll look good and shine with confidence. Just feeling good about yourself in general that you accomplished a goal!

One thing to think about... you are really never too tired to work out. Trust me.. this is an excuse. I struggled with that when I first started getting into fitness. "should I go to the gym.. I'm kinda tired today." And I was tired.. believe me! But I found that as long as I could get myself out the door and to the gym.. I was good. Exercise energizes you.. strange but true.. I always feel more awake and alert after a workout, no matter how tired I am. Try it.. just get out the door (or if you workout at home.. put your workout clothes on as soon as you get home.) No excuses! :) Good luck!

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CLRWILLIAMS25 2/4/2013 9:09PM

    Sorry you have been dealing with this! It seems like adding a little bit of stress to a great program brings out our old monsters (overeating, mentally checking out etc). As far as advice goes, I'm not sure that I'm really in a place to give any, as I've been dealing with a lot of the same issues lately. Don't be so hard on yourself though. Get back to doing what you were doing because it was definitely working before.
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    "Move forward, not in anger, but with a purpose." - Sherrilyn Kenyon

I try not to get frustrated, I just get up and go! I know that today I'm probably going over my range. I'm not worried. I haven't even lost all of the weight from Xmas (I'm down about 5 of the lbs I gained). But my level of activity means that I'll get there eventually as long as I stop buying bins of sour candy more than once a week.

I know you've got it in you. Put in your favourite vid and go. Just have fun with it!

Or, as Dorie said, "Just keep swimming, just keep swimming!"

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IRP1114 2/4/2013 1:42PM

    We all struggle with these thoughts. Especially this time of year I think we all have a harder time staying on track and fully focused. I know how hard it can be to trust yourself in not tracking too. I felt very weird at first when I stopped tracking daily. I would just think about how some days I would track everything even if it was a "bad" day just to end up feeling more guilt. Or how I would have good days because I was going to track it all. So I just started having more days where I would say tracking or not tracking everything I put in affects my body weather it is tacked or not! So I need to eat what does my body good and not the stuff that makes me lose progress and feel gross. It takes a lot of positive self talk and commitment to eat only whole unprocessed foods daily but it is worth it and we are worth it. We can't be perfect all the time but the more we try to be balanced the easier maintaining can be! Let's just keep taking it one day at a time girl.
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Comment edited on: 2/4/2013 1:43:29 PM

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JODROX 2/4/2013 1:28PM

    Aw. Give yourself a hug, dust yourself off, and begin again.

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SHMARA 2/4/2013 11:17AM

    Like you said, just keep moving forward! You got this :)

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