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    JMARISK   13,736
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Shame

Monday, February 04, 2013

I haven't been on Sparkpeople lately because I've been ashamed. I had to talk myself into getting on this morning to write this blog but I thought I could help me get back on track.

Last week, I had training at work which cut into my workout schedule. I didn't work out a single day last week, and to make things worse, my diet took a horrible turn. This weekend, I hate pizza, fried chicken, bacon and beans, corn bread, chocolate covered pretzels...it was horrible. I feel horrible. I have no energy, but that could be because I was up late watching the Super bowl (Go RAVENS!!!!).

I'm back at it today though. I'm going to the gym at 11 to run and then I'm going to do TRX. I'll be sweating beer and cheesecake from my pores, it's going to suck, but it's completely necessary.

WE leave for Peru on Friday. My goal was to be in the 170's by the time we left. Looks like I'll be pushing 200lbs instead. I suppose that's why I gave up last week. I knew I couldn't reach my goal. I had been doing everything right and still gaining weight (fat). I went to the doctor to have my thyroid checked again. He said my levels were normal and that my meds didn't need to be adjusted. "But why am I losing hair and gaining weight, and feel completely exhausted all the time?!?" He couldn't give me an answer. I may have to see a hormone specialist when I get back to make sure my body is readjusting to not being pregnant. That was really the only answer the doctor could give me "Maybe your body still thinks it's pregnant." *sigh*

I'm trying to think of what to pack for our trip. It's summer down there but I really do not feel comfortable wearing shorts yet. It's so freaking frustrating!! matthew is almost a year and i'm still wearing maternity pants! What do I have to do tto get this weight off?!?!?

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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MSMOSTIMPROVED 2/5/2013 6:55AM

    Don't give up! Everyday you rise brings another opportunity to do a little better. You have to continue to be honest with yourself- bad weeks happen to the best of us. Speak positively to yourself and have fun in Peru!!! It's a once in a lifetime opportunity and you deserve to be happy. If you can find maxi dresses, they are great in South America.

Safe travels and chin up!!

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RISINGBLUESTAR 2/5/2013 2:19AM

    Just because your levels showed normal doesn't mean there aren't issues with your thyroid. It took 4 times of testing my thyroid for me to even be diagnosed. Numbers don't paint the picture. If you have symptoms and feel exhausted and your body is telling you something is wrong then something is wrong. I always go by how I feel. If you are able, find a doctor you listens to you. YOU know more about YOUR BODY than they do. I don't care how long they were in school. That's the problem. Doctors know how to observe and they go by what they see and my the numbers instead of what their patient tells them. I would suggest trying Armour thyroid. I haven't lost any weight but My hair never falls out and I am a lot less tired than when I was taking Levothyroxine (Synthroid.) If your thyroid levels aren't managed well, you wil lcrave sugar and salt and all that. Go get your second opinion and if you have to a third or a fourth. You deserve to feel healthy. You deserve to see results!!

Don't feel shame. It's not completely your fault. Yeah, your choices could have been better but when you are so exhausted, you don't make the best choice. Besides, everyone slips up. Don't put too much pressure on yourself. That makes the situation a lot worse. It's a lot more difficult to lose weight with a thyroid condition. It's possible but a much slower process. I know it's a pain but it's not your fault. Keep pushing.

:)

Comment edited on: 2/5/2013 2:20:30 AM

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JOYB19 2/4/2013 11:10PM

    You did something good for yourself and got back on SP today - YAY! Enjoy this vacation and don't beat yourself up too badly. You'll make progress if you don't give up on yourself. Weight loss can be a complicated thing. Taking it slowly is not failing to meet your goals. Try maybe setting smaller short-term goals?

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HDHAWK 2/4/2013 5:18PM

    I don't blame you for wanting a second opinion if it isn't your thyroid. Have fun on your trip and figure it out when you get home!

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CRYSTLE4HIMTX12 2/4/2013 2:54PM

    I hope you have a fantastic time on your trip. Don't think about the weight just enjoy the time away with your family. emoticon If you do not agree with your doctors findings find you another doctor. You know your body. emoticon

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REFFIE1 2/4/2013 2:10PM

    You know sometimes when we put artificial pressure on ourselves to lose weight by a certain time period or date it backfires. It did with me when I wanted to lose weight for my upcoming cruise. I started getting paranoid about gaining and ironically I started to snack too much. Really to me this is a lifetime journey. There is no shame in trying and sometime slipping up. It would be a shame if you never tried at all. So chin up and carry on! You can do this girl! emoticon

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ANIHAKA 2/4/2013 1:05PM

    I know the feeling I can't seem to get ahead with my weight loss. I do well then something happens to upset the apple cart. Don't beat yourself up at least your intentions are right and you'll get there eventually.

emoticon emoticon

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BARBANNA 2/4/2013 11:46AM

    Sounds like you are very busy so this can cause your cortisol to increase and that makes your homones go haywire. There are Gherlin and Liptin hormones that regulate our weight. Gherlin causes weight gain and increases our appetite, it goes up when your estrogen is high, when you are stressed and when there is a lack of sleep. Liptin hormones decrease our appetite and they increase when you are eat healthy at short intervals, when you are relaxed, exercise and get adequate sleep.

Good luck with you weight issues. I understand and discovered this information when I was wondering why my weight kept increasing even though I was working out and eating light!

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ALYTH3CAT 2/4/2013 8:46AM

    Well first! You're doing the best thing by getting on track again. :) We all stumble in this journey. I'm from Baltimore and I was with you this weekend pigging out on my superbowl food while my face was glued to the TV waiting for that clock to time out. You may not have reached the deadline for you're goal, but you're certainly closer than when you started! Keep going! I hate wearing shorts myself, I always cheat a little and go with the bermuda shorts. They're stylish, longer to cover up the thighs, and still allow you to get a breeze. Peru is an amazing country! Enjoy yourself. :)

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MCGUIRESI 2/4/2013 8:46AM

    First, deep breaths and calm down. One day at a time is all you can do! My youngest is 23 and I am still trying to lose the baby weight! You know what you have to do. Instead of taking it all on at once, pick one thing to excel at this week, wether it's diet or just exercise. Then move on to the next while keeping in line with the first. YOU CAN DO IT!! emoticon

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