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Monday, February 04, 2013

It is my firm belief that the biggest trigger for me, in the past, to overindulging in food in general as well as sweets, is the stress I caused myself by not accepting circumstances I really had no control over, but thought I had to. And that was other people's lives and the way they choose to live them.

I was so sure if I didn't do or say something they would end up suffering the consequences of their actions and it wouldn't be good. I thought I was saving them grief by mentioning to them the error of their ways, oh not too often or angrily , so as not to offend them or so I thought. But in my mind I told them many more times than they would liked to have heard, if at all.

In all reality I was not so much trying to "save them" grief as I was trying to save myself grief. I wanted peace and the only peace I felt I had was to change what went on outside myself. So I was constantly trying to change circumstances and others. I wanted my wayward family members to have a change of heart. What I really needed was a heart transplant for myself. I needed a 'Jesus Heart'

My problem was pride, thinking I could actually help change anothers heart and worried incessantly about what I could do or say to make a difference. I also had a problem with lack of trust and faith in God that He was and is in control and He will lead and guide those who are around me to HIS liking not necessarily mine. I thought, "they do have their agency and what if they do not choose to go the way I wish them to go. That would be a disaster!"

But then I remembered they were God's children before they were ever mine and He loves them infinitely more than I ever possibly could at this point, and He is not going to forsake them any more than He has or will me. Dying on the cross for each of us does not end His mission to bring us back home to Father again. He will never stop calling, persuading and directing aright. And sometimes He has to do that through adverse circumstances. He has done that for me. And I am greatly blessed for it.

I really feel now, I prolonged the agony by interfering with God's plan for each of my loved ones. He will allow us to be in the drivers seat as long as we want, but it will be to no avail for He wants us to learn the lesson that we must allow Him to change others in His own way and in His own time. That is not our job to be a judge. But it is our responsibility to be a light.

Since I am a late bloomer, it has taken me a long time to learn this lesson. I cannot even change myself without His help. But thankfully I have learned the valuable lesson of letting go and letting God, where my wayward family members and others are concerned.

When I am faced with the temptation to try to control another person by criticizing, ever so sweetly of course, like in my past, I remember, God is in control and He will take care of that person in His time and in His way. In the meantime I need not worry because He will also help me make it through any trial I may have by having to watch my loved one suffer the consequences of their actions. Without consequences some people just cannot learn. Even me.

Letting go and letting God, really has lifted a great burden. I am free to fly now thanks to the good Lord's patience and longsuffering with me.

What are some of your triggers? It just might help me to see the light where I am concerned. I need all the help I can get.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I am right there with you. I suffer from the need to control. This blog is so on the mark for me and for many. Thank you for your words and for the knowledge that I am not alone.
    1713 days ago
    Good blog!! I also had this type of realization. But real life is tougher then it seems. And sometime controlling myself is very hard. Definitely , I can not control somebody other then me. I believe in "cause and effect." So I do not need to worry a thing actually. (*^^*)

    emoticon emoticon
    1713 days ago
    I have "stumbled" on to your wonderful blog. I have felt the pressure of wanting to fix the family members who choose destructive behaviors---and that pressure was so overwhelming. If only I could do the "right" thing, say the "right" words to "help" them change their ways. If only I knew the "cure" all would be happy and well!!
    This is the real world, and people make personal choices...This is life!
    Sadly, I cannot make things better. Sadly, the lives of small children were harmed by bad parenting. I can only pray that God will shine His grace on my family. . .
    This is the only way I can accept the adverse circumstances. Yes, God's divine, all-perfect love, is much greater than mine. I must release my burden, and trust HIM.
    Thank you for this powerful message on your blog, and God bless your family.
    1714 days ago
  • SAL1512
    We all have our own paths. We just need support along the way! Us human beings have a hard time figuring out God's Plans . . .
    Sally emoticon
    1715 days ago
    I went through this with my middle son. Until I realized that interfering and criticizing made matters worse as he systematically rebelled as soon as I made a comment. So, I left it up to G-d, and what a difference it made! A very humbling experience, but oh so rewarding for both of us! Trusting and letting go is not an easy task...
    1715 days ago
    Yikes! Sounds like something I have gone through. Peace be with you. Your change in attitude may make all the difference!
    1715 days ago
  • D-ABBY
    Stressing is a major trigger for many, whether it be stressing over the path a loved one is on, or the feeling of lack of control in other areas of life. Anytime we are stressing over things, I find for myself that I must check my faith gauge and see in Whom am I trusting.

    I have had to learn this lesson as well. Not that I never speak up: I have learned the difference me seeking my want out of some self-centered desire, and me being the voice of reason as led by the Spirit for His purposes. My kids know that I believe the scripture that talks about seeing a brother walking into destruction and failing to warn them making me blood guilty for their sin, but I always tell them, "I will warn, it is my responsibility to make sure you are seeing the danger ahead, but it is up to you whether you hear and agree and follow." That is between them and God. I find that realizing the God-ordained voice of warning sent through me--and their is a difference when it is Him or me--being faithful to speak at His lead frees from the anxiety over what they might do or not do. And when the Spirit beckons me to be still and know and be quiet and trust, I am better able to rest in knowing He is working a purpose through what is about to be seen in the earth.

    I ramble again. Hugs to you.
    1715 days ago
    It is difficult to see loved ones walking in the flesh and cheerfully ignoring it. Best if we take it to the Lord. They will not hear until he opens their ears.
    1715 days ago
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