Sunday, February 03, 2013
OK, I will speak the words - make the commitment: I am trying to lose weight.
I hate the start of these things. It's the recurring pattern, familiar to so many; diet, fail, give up, despair, and ignore the problem for a year or two, then cycle through it again. While in recent years my weight has tended downwards rather than upwards, it's still the same cycle; lose some, gain back most, then lose again. I'm 60; no more time to waste.
I'm wary of enthusiasm. After I've lost a few pounds I get caught up in the idea that maybe - maybe this time - maybe I will not fail. That's where I am right now. Thinking about my calorie deficit, when is my next workout, what kind of food plan, maybe I will lose 2 lbs. this week instead of just 1. All excited. All interested. All preoccupied.
It's like the beginning of falling in love. People are so tiresome when they are twitter-pated. I find myself tiresome. I hold back to shield myself from another failure, another disappointment.
So; reluctantly, expecting disappointment, laughing at my foolish optimism, I enter the fray again. Will it be different? Am I any wiser? Will Spark have the tools I've lacked all my previous attempts? When the inevitable set-back comes, will I hold the course? How?
Yes, yes, I am reading all the motivational pages. I am working on a vision statement. I am reading about mindfulness, which seems to pertain to my situation. And yes, I know it's not a diet it's a lifestyle. But knowing is not helpful. I've been here before.
Where I have never been before is still persevering after set-backs. I can't envision that.