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My Reluctant Commitment

Sunday, February 03, 2013

OK, I will speak the words - make the commitment: I am trying to lose weight.

I hate the start of these things. It's the recurring pattern, familiar to so many; diet, fail, give up, despair, and ignore the problem for a year or two, then cycle through it again. While in recent years my weight has tended downwards rather than upwards, it's still the same cycle; lose some, gain back most, then lose again. I'm 60; no more time to waste.

I'm wary of enthusiasm. After I've lost a few pounds I get caught up in the idea that maybe - maybe this time - maybe I will not fail. That's where I am right now. Thinking about my calorie deficit, when is my next workout, what kind of food plan, maybe I will lose 2 lbs. this week instead of just 1. All excited. All interested. All preoccupied.

It's like the beginning of falling in love. People are so tiresome when they are twitter-pated. I find myself tiresome. I hold back to shield myself from another failure, another disappointment.

So; reluctantly, expecting disappointment, laughing at my foolish optimism, I enter the fray again. Will it be different? Am I any wiser? Will Spark have the tools I've lacked all my previous attempts? When the inevitable set-back comes, will I hold the course? How?

Yes, yes, I am reading all the motivational pages. I am working on a vision statement. I am reading about mindfulness, which seems to pertain to my situation. And yes, I know it's not a diet it's a lifestyle. But knowing is not helpful. I've been here before.

Where I have never been before is still persevering after set-backs. I can't envision that.

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  • STR458
    emoticon I get it
    1785 days ago
  • LE7_1234
    Twitter-pated is great, but then comes the "why does he do that silly thing with his spoon" phase. The disillusionment. The trick is to hang in there. To keep doing one right thing after the next, until you settle into that long-term commitment phase (yeah, he still does that silly thing with his spoon, but he still makes me laugh over the silly little things).

    One thing that has really helped me is Inside Out Weight Loss (http://podcasts.personallifemedia.
    ght-loss/) --or if you prefer books to podcasts, Full-Filled--by Renee Stephens. It's a way of changing your motivation so it's more sustainable, instead of simply relying on external cues like what the scale says, or how many spark points you get for that walk.
    1867 days ago
    Twitter-pated! You had me at twitter-pated!

    I'd like to think I fall somewhere between the gung-ho, brainwashed (read: mindless) positivity of the extreme Sparker and the gothlike hopelessness of "THAT'll never fly" pessimism.

    There is no getting around the fact that I've done this (lost weight, improved fitness, gained strength) so many times... and so many times undid all the good I'd done. Maybe there are only two real differences this time around - one is I stopped thinking of this as temporary. Curtio put it in a way that my subconscious is gnawing on - shifting from A to B. Yes, it's not a radical departure from the way I've done things before, but it's a shift to the side, on sort-of parallel tracks. (In my case, probably more of a Time Warp, haha.)

    The other difference is here. I admit it, I was never one for the group mindset, but in sifting through the blogs and posts and profiles and whatnot that comprise SparkLand I have made a few contacts that do indeed provide genuine support, meaningful exchanges that - finally, at long last - make me realize I Am Not Alone.

    Maybe that happens when people attend WW-type meetings. I dunno. Here, the price is the enticement, me bein' the cheap 'n' thrifty type 'n' all...
    1868 days ago
    I'm with Natalie. You can do it.
    This isn't a diet in the sense of there being a beginning and an end. You are shifting the way you get from A to B so that you can continue to get from A to B with as little pain and as much enjoyment as possible.

    Traditionally, I have a very low tolerance for emoticons and perkiness. I see myself as more of an ankle biter... but then I haven't done a very good job of taking care of myself, have I? Mutual support is nice, learning to give and accept it. (Actually nice doesn't cover the subject - kicking and screaming I come to the fact that I really need support and I really need to give it as well.) Daily, I look in the mirror and say "I can do this today." At night I list the things I have done. I don't look much beyond that.

    You deserve to feel good, Toots. So do I.

    1869 days ago
    It is a lot like being in love. For me to lose weight, I have to be obsessed. I lose my zeal and my eating goes haywire. Today I am re-dedicating my self again to my health and fitness lifestyle. I tracked my food again today, something I have stopped doing consistently for many months. I ate within my range calorie-wise. I hope you can let yourself get excited again. It's okay to be jazzed! It's not tiresome at all! I want to be below 200 pounds! I am excited about it! There! I said it!
    1869 days ago
  • 1SALMON1
    Thanks, Natalie. My optimistic self says "Right on! Whoo hoo!" and my pessimistic says "Yeah. right. Yawn." I've been thinking about this duality a lot, specially since Curiousity's blog about rewarding ourselves. Deep achey stuff here that frankly I am not looking forward to dredging through. However, might not have a choice, huh? But thank you for your cheerleading. It does help!
    1869 days ago
    This is where I bring out my pom-poms (from my non-existent cheerleading career) and tell you you can do it. You can do it. It's important. This is not a futile endeavor, although it is a difficult one. Slowly, item by item, you can sever or at least truncate your evil relationships with problematic foods and habits.

    And, slowly, it seems unthinkable to relapse.
    1869 days ago
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