This week as I approach my goal of getting to 50 pounds lost, I stop and wonder for a moment what comes next.

I’ve already written about my plans to charge ahead towards my next big goal of losing another 50 pounds, and also about changing the way I do things up a bit, but I haven’t yet taken a moment to look at what reaching this milestone means.

I’ve been at my goal weight before, 332 pounds. It was only just a few years ago, and I remember it well. I wasn’t happy with my body.

It wasn’t that I hated it per say, but I did hate that my weight seemed out of control. I didn’t like looking at pictures of myself and I avoided looking in the mirror too much because I didn’t want to face the reality of what I had become.

It was at that weight that I had started a previous weight-loss effort, walking every day, occasionally doing Tae Bo and doing as much other activities as I could fit into my day.

I hadn’t heard of SparkPeople then, although I wish I had. I had the right idea at the time, I knew I had to track what I was doing, so I used a spread sheet on my laptop which is now archaic and has since found a new home, although I’d be surprised if it was still being used.

On it I logged what I ate for each meal. I didn’t really change what I ate though, I wasn’t eating that bad, but then I had someone cooking for me, so I didn’t really think that much about food preparation and planning.

I also logged my exercise. I was doing then much of what I am doing now, only I have to admit I like the SparkPeople setup a lot better.

I logged my weight and did line graphs occasionally to see my progress. It was nice to look at. The system worked well and I did lose some weight.

However, a change in environment led me to stop doing what I was doing because it was too inconvenient it seemed and I thought I was too busy. At that point I had almost lost enough to get back in the 200s, but I didn’t quite make it. I think I had lost about 30-31 pounds or so.

It was a short-lived weight loss. The pounds came piling back on in short order.

That was demoralizing to say the least.

But I have to say it taught me a valuable lesson.

I realize now that what I am doing is a commitment. I can’t let life circumstances drive me so far off track that I’m not keeping track of what I am doing.

I didn’t track my calories back then on those spreadsheets, but I do now using SparkPeople. I think that has helped me become more successful that I was back then. Now I’m officially only 2.4 pounds shy of 50 pounds lost and that is a greater accomplishment than what I had then. But the sad thing is that I started this time at a much higher weight. I started at 382.2 pounds.

As I approach 332 pounds once again, I realize that there is the potential for there to be a mental barrier ahead of me because I had been that weight before and wasn’t able to after losing some weight to keep it off. It’s a number that once spoke failure to me.

Of course now I’m redefining what those numbers mean to me. I’m ready to break through this number and what could potentially be a mental barrier.

It’s so much easier thinking about the situation now than it was back then because now I have some success.

It’s so much more powerful to look at the situation from the point of view of success rather than looking at it from a point of view of failure.

But it makes me have to deal with the fact that I once thought of this number as a failure.

I’m a new person now I think and I seem to be thinking differently than I did before.

It seems to be in a way a kind of gift that experience and time have given me and I wouldn’t want to go back to the way things were for a million bucks.

My weight tortured me back then. I couldn’t figure out why I couldn’t conquer it.

Now I just wish I knew the valuable information I know now back then.

It would have saved me a lot of trouble and heartache.

But 332 is not the only number barrier facing me now. As I mentioned before, in that previous weight-loss effort of mine, I never made it out of the 200s.

I think it will be a major milestone for me to face that transition, from the 300s to the 200s.

It’s a transition that I’m really going to have to wrap my head around pretty good I think to keep going with my success with weight loss.

But I can do it.

I think in the time between my reaching my goal of 50 pounds lost and me reaching the 200-300 pound barrier, I’m going to prepare my mind for that transition. I’m going to think a lot about those numbers.

I’m going to try and picture what that means and I’m going to spend as much time as I can convincing myself that I can do it, because I can and will.

I think if I can make it past those two barriers, then I will have really found major success and I hope that will open the door to more successes.

And so with that, I’m off to breaking down my barriers and seeking more success!