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The Weekend Update (who remember THAT!)

Sunday, February 03, 2013

Well it has been a super busy weekend as usual! I would love a real day off but that just isn’t going to happen.

I ended up spending way more than I should have yesterday! I’m doing EVERYTHING to excess lately. I know that is a symptom of my depression coming back. GRRR!! It’s been gone/under control for so long I had forgotten it could still rear its ugly head. I need to be outside and exercising but I just can’t handle the cold. I really do get hip pain. So I’m not certain how to handle it.

I have an elliptical, but it just doesn’t “do it” for me. I have to admit that running in place makes me a bit self conscience. I’ve been spending more time in the bathroom than a teenage boy (anyone that has had one I KNOW gets this reference). It just feels like the only place I can hide to “run”.

I’ve done a ton better the last three days on Spark. Less processed stuff, more veggie. I’m fully convinced the pound I’m down is nothing more than water – I’ve cut the salt way down. Take what we can get right?

I had someone tell me today that the envy me! It was all I could do not to laugh. Just smiled and said “if you only knew”. People think things are so easy for me because I just can’t complain in “real life”. I don’t’ know why I can’t just tell people how hard things are for me but I just can’t. It just won’t come out of my mouth. Envy, I wonder if they understand I just don’t want to be 30 seconds from crying all the time. I just want to stop worrying about letting people down without letting them down. Times like this I actually miss the military. At least there I always knew what to do and usually what to expect. Complete structure does make life easier.

Sorry, this wasn’t where I wanted to go, but I have promised myself I’m going to be open and candid in my blogs from now on. So I guess this is where I’m at.
Heck, I’ll be fine as soon as I can get home to my dogs!

On a positive note, I did get my FIRST ever newsletter out for my dog training business this am. I’m hoping it looks nice and professional. I have no idea what I was doing so fingers are crossed! And my son is taping the Puppy Bowl for me today, so I will have something fun to ST to tonight and tomorrow. I’m also going bowling with my dad tomorrow. Hopefully I will resist the food and have a fun night.

Warm Wags everyone!
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • WARRIORGIRL121
    And I thought I was the only one who watched the Puppy Bowl! I love that - the puppies are TOO CUTE! :)
    1735 days ago
  • JUMPINJULIE
    Boo cold. I here you on not expressing what is worng in life. I have a hard time doing it too. I'm sorry your so down. But wirting about how your feeling should help i hope. emoticon
    1771 days ago
  • KJELLYBEAN15
    Wish I had some wise insight in which to make it all better. But just know that I am rooting for you and praying that you are lifted up. This, as with all things, is temporary. The sun is going to come out and things will warm up, thaw out, and out you will be. Good job on the newsletter. Have fun bowling. It sounds like a lot of fun. Much love, Keli



    1772 days ago
  • KEIKOS_MUM
    emoticon emoticon and more emoticon
    You know your depression may be trying to inch its way back into your life ( i constantly battle with mine) but a good thing here is that you recognise it ....... i do the hide thing, and it gets me into some really weird places in the times that i have been bad with it....
    i find that in times like this i take out my positive memory books , have Keiko for company, and put on some music, for me ,its the battle not to stop. We all deal with things different , but just remember if it does come back you conquered it once and will do it again.
    Great news about the letter btw.
    gilli
    1772 days ago
  • CASEYSAUER
    I was also in the military and sometime miss the structure. Since I am color blind I do really miss the fact that I never had to worry if my clothes matched!

    Congratulation on getting the first news letter out! I'm sure that was a huge job! emoticon
    1772 days ago
  • GARDENCHRIS
    I too hate the cold... so I know how hard getting out is. Hang in there. It is ok to cry and do whatever you need to make yourself happy. The only person to make "happy" is you! YOU are worth whatever you need to do.
    1772 days ago
  • CELESTE_B
    I too have the depression issues! It really sux and the winter months don't really help much because I hate the cold.

    Just take things one day at a time, one minute at a time.Sometimes, one second at a time.

    Like you, I love an actual day off. My husband will drag me until I literally drop. He's like the energizer bunny. But if I don't get a break in there, I generally catch the flu and then I'm miserable. So, luckily...this year...he's been a little more relaxed this year.....thank god.

    Glad you got your dog training newsletter out! I do wish you lived closer. Roxie is coming around tho. Treat training is doing the trick and she seems to really love learning. She'll be a year old Wednesday....

    Have a wonderful day!
    1772 days ago
  • MERRY_XMAS
    I'm an open book; you can tell if I'm sad/happy/angry etc. in 30 seconds. It's not always good but it's definitely a big relief.

    I never "envy" people because you never know their problems and their struggles.

    Hang in there, you are doing great!
    emoticon
    1772 days ago
  • FUSIONFITNESS3
    Kitty, I haven't any experience personally living with depression and what that feels. I do think that your description of being 30 seconds away from crying helps me get a better idea. I have numerous close friends and family member who live with various emotional illnesses so I see the struggles each faces in their lives. These struggles can be such challenges. You are so right that people can often be envious when they have little or no idea of the mountains a person faces.
    All I want to to say is to celebrate all your victories, no matter how small. Congrats on your newsletter. Congrats on the pound you lost. Don't minimize it on just being the salt reduction and water loss. You ate healthier, lost a pound, and may celebrate that.
    I like Melissa's advice about the mini tramp. Let us know if you get one.

    1772 days ago
  • PRNCSCUP1-2FULL
    Oh my friend, how I can relate! Of course no one knows we are 30 seconds away from crying. Neither would ever let people in real life know that about us. How about a mini-trampoline? Perhaps you could run on it and not feel as self-conscious? I got one with a handle bar since I'm a little scared of falling. I watch TV and jog on it. Shucks! I forgot all about the Puppy Bowl! Been busy working today for a change! If you need meds get them. I also found that a vitamin B complex helps alot with my depression. It has all the vitamin B's in it and says three times a day, but I take it twice. Depression is an illness, don't ignore it. It sucks, but so does any other illness. Trust me on this one. Take care!
    1772 days ago
  • NKOUAMI26
    emoticon

    1772 days ago
  • NILLAPEPSI
    emoticon emoticon Depressions stinks!! Get that exercise in when you can. That's so helpful as a mood booster.


    1772 days ago
  • A-NEW-TARA
    Isn't it wonderful to have Spark to come be yourself? A place you don't feel like you have to hide how you are really feeling and express the things that you are struggling with really helps to keep the "sanity." One of the terrible parts of depression is how hard it works to keep us from exercising, especially when exercise gives our brain the boost to feel better. So keep doing what you can, even if that means more time in the bathroom and stay focused on what you want and you'll get there. In the mean time we're here for you, keep expressing yourself.
    emoticon
    1772 days ago
  • KELLIEBEAN
    I love weekend update! emoticon

    Congrats on getting the newsletter out. That is an accomplishment!

    I have an elliptical and do not use it as often as I should. I would much rather be outside. This is a tough time of year. We are all with you!

    Keep blogging and talking and blogging and talking. Keep getting it all out.
    1772 days ago
  • BEAUTY_WITHIN
    *hugs* You'll get there hon! I'm proud of you for everything you've managed, even while you are having a rough time. You can do it!
    1772 days ago
  • BESCATS
    Winter, and cold months are big for bringing on depression. Just keep thinking "Spring", it will be here soon. Winter months leave us in the dark most of the time ~ we getup and it's dark, we get out of work an it's dark. emoticon When I was working I always hated Winter for that reason. Sunshine helps to bring on happiness.
    You are a very busy lady, and probably not taking any "me" time. You are always trying to keep up with everything on SP, and that's very hard. Ask your co-leader the team to step in & help with some of it, or ask other members if they want to help.
    You're a great lady, and you need to take care of yourself first. emoticon
    1772 days ago
  • JUSTME29
    Once the weather warms up and you can be outside I bet that will help. For now though - I only wish I had something to suggest. Working out inside with a stationary audience is so terribly uncomfortable. I don't know how some people get past that.

    I bet your newsletter looks very nice and professional. The puppy bowl and bowling sound fun too.

    As for me - we're watching the Superbowl (insert sarcastic woohoo) and I'm doing homemade pizza. At least I know the food will be good.
    1772 days ago
  • LIVINGFREE19
    Sorry to hear of the depression you are still going through. I am so glad I haven't started it yet this year. It is very tough to deal with, and I hope you find your way through it quick.

    Big emoticon
    1772 days ago
  • 1CRAZYDOG
    You are due a big congratulations for getting your newsletter out. Kudos.

    As for feeling your depression rearing it's ugly head. Oh my . . . it really does do that! My son (who is ironically in the Army as we speak) had difficulties ALWAYS @ this time of the year. I am sure it was S.A.D. And where is he stationed? Bloody Alaska!!!! Great huh! On the positive side, he DOES religiously use the "happy light" and that helps tremendously.

    I am glad you're talking about it! That helps! You gotta name, claim then tame these challenges. You can . . . and we're here for you.

    Ahem . . . BWAHAHAHAHA! I certainly understand your bathroom reference! OMG! I almost jumped up from my seat from laughing so hard!

    Honey, run where you're comfortable! Yes, I really do wimp out sometimes when it's incredibly cold out. But I have my friend the treadmill. Not my #1 choice, but it works.

    HUGS, hang in there, love yourself. You're worth it!
    1772 days ago
  • ANATASHIKI
    don't worry so much about depression.if it comes , it comes, you'll see if and when it happens. and don't think I don't know what you're talking about, I struggled with depression for years.why do you need to hide to run? it's not like your family doesn't know you are running. just go into a room , tell them not to bother you the next 30 minutes or whatever and run.I never envied anyone cause every time I knew some of the " lucky" people everybody was envying I discovered they had bigger problems than me and their life wasn't as pink as we saw it. emoticon
    1772 days ago
  • TAMELA_B
    Congrats on getting your newsletter out! I am sure it will get easier as you get more practice. And I am glad to hear that you've been doing well with getting your veggies and Sparking. It sounds like you have some good ST and bowling lined up...have fun and hang in there. Punxatawney Phil said that we are going to have an early spring, and I'm sure he wouldn't lie to us. He would never use his Supernatural Rodent Meteorological powers for evil. emoticon (By the way, I am disappointed that there's no groundhog emoticon)
    1772 days ago
  • LESLIELENORE
    Depression is a miserable beast. You are still moving though, which is a good thing. Right now we are in a white out, so I think Cooper's evening walk will be a short one.
    1772 days ago
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