Sunday, February 03, 2013
Well it has been a super busy weekend as usual! I would love a real day off but that just isnít going to happen.
I ended up spending way more than I should have yesterday! Iím doing EVERYTHING to excess lately. I know that is a symptom of my depression coming back. GRRR!! Itís been gone/under control for so long I had forgotten it could still rear its ugly head. I need to be outside and exercising but I just canít handle the cold. I really do get hip pain. So Iím not certain how to handle it.
I have an elliptical, but it just doesnít ďdo itĒ for me. I have to admit that running in place makes me a bit self conscience. Iíve been spending more time in the bathroom than a teenage boy (anyone that has had one I KNOW gets this reference). It just feels like the only place I can hide to ďrunĒ.
Iíve done a ton better the last three days on Spark. Less processed stuff, more veggie. Iím fully convinced the pound Iím down is nothing more than water Ė Iíve cut the salt way down. Take what we can get right?
I had someone tell me today that the envy me! It was all I could do not to laugh. Just smiled and said ďif you only knewĒ. People think things are so easy for me because I just canít complain in ďreal lifeĒ. I donítí know why I canít just tell people how hard things are for me but I just canít. It just wonít come out of my mouth. Envy, I wonder if they understand I just donít want to be 30 seconds from crying all the time. I just want to stop worrying about letting people down without letting them down. Times like this I actually miss the military. At least there I always knew what to do and usually what to expect. Complete structure does make life easier.
Sorry, this wasnít where I wanted to go, but I have promised myself Iím going to be open and candid in my blogs from now on. So I guess this is where Iím at.
Heck, Iíll be fine as soon as I can get home to my dogs!
On a positive note, I did get my FIRST ever newsletter out for my dog training business this am. Iím hoping it looks nice and professional. I have no idea what I was doing so fingers are crossed! And my son is taping the Puppy Bowl for me today, so I will have something fun to ST to tonight and tomorrow. Iím also going bowling with my dad tomorrow. Hopefully I will resist the food and have a fun night.
Warm Wags everyone!