Long before he became a country music legend, Kenny Rogers played in a rock band called The First Edition. One of their songs, “Tell It All Brother,” has a line within it that’s always haunted me. Simply put it says “And in the dungeons of your mind, who do you have chained to the wall?” We could tour my mind if you’d like but we might be here all day. If you want to learn how to hold grudges, I’m your guy. Hurt me, wound me, or offend me and I have a spot for you on that wall. It doesn’t have to be anything major either. It can be a slight or a mistaken offense and it will be a long time before I forgive you if ever. Thank goodness there aren’t too many people like me out here, huh? So as I’m sitting in church early this morning I had no trouble understanding the message that was written on my heart. “You won’t begin to heal until you learn to forgive.” Again, simply put, when there is so much judgment, animosity, prejudice and grudge holding going on inside of me is there really any room for goodness or healing?

I sat back in the pew and sighed. I’m not really sure where to begin. I get PO’d on a regular basis and it’s become a matter of practice to stay that way. A friend on Facebook posted a long rant yesterday on road rage and how she felt justified in its practice. That’s not what scared me. I found myself nodding right along with the ten people who added comments supporting the practice. We get mad and stay mad and with each successive slight or offense a small part of our hearts are partitioned off and we become more alienated.

Seriously friends, how many of you have tried every diet known in the cosmos, bought enough exercise DVD’s to have a healthy and profitable yard sale, and still never seen the scale move significantly and more importantly stay in a healthy range. With sincere apologies to the experts, carrot sticks, and celery served with Greek yogurts a bit more of a punishment than an opportunity. It’s like trying to cure cancer with ibuprofen. I often see myself standing in front of a door that’s padlocked and I’m holding this massive ring of keys. I keep trying to find the one that fits.

“You won’t begin to heal until you learn to forgive.”

As I tour my mind, looking at all those people I’ve nailed firmly to the wall I turn a corner and I see a large room and on that rooms wall is me, chained and unforgiving of myself. All my accumulated sins, transgressions and faults are there for all to see and I won’t forgive myself. Until I do I won’t ever even approach that elusive thing called health and happiness. Forgiveness creates a space inside of us that allows healing and once we embark on the road to health we can plant healthy behavior.

We have to believe in something. I call that something God and you may call that something other names but I’ll tell you unequivocally that unless that something is there to heal you your efforts are futile. There’s a passage in one of the Gospels where Jesus says he stands outside the door knocking, patiently waiting for us to let in the healing love. My poor eating habits, my reluctance to exercise are only symptoms of my unwillingness to forgive not only those around me, but to forgive myself.

“You won’t begin to heal until you learn to forgive.”